


Jester

by calmingss



Category: Grishaverse - Fandom, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: All the "Slows", F/F, F/M, Kaz Brekker being a charming ass as always, Minor OC/Nina Zenik, Pyromania, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25126420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmingss/pseuds/calmingss
Summary: ❝ I pity the fool who wants to be a God. ❞&There is enough fire inside you to put all of Hell to shame, but you are pretending to be water, for someone who is too afraid to handle the dragons in your belly.❪ kaz brekker x oc ❫six of crows duology.extended summary inside.© 2020, by calmingss
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on my Wattpad: @calmingss ❪ where you can find the graphics gallery, casting & moodboard. ❫

_" i have survived so many fires_   
_i can no longer tell_   
_if i'm alive or still burning "_

**JESTER,** Leia Bennett

**_I._** In a small town ruled by only the big players, Leia Bennett had made quite a name for herself. Everybody in Ketterdam knew the **_Jester_** , and if you didn't, you wouldn't last long.

 ** _II._** Leia was a performer—she had more tricks up her sleeve than a desperate street artist praying to make it big. She was a whirlpool of temptation, entertainment for your eyes and the pulsating organ in your chest. You wouldn't know when Leia Bennett disappeared and when the Jester came out to play.

 ** _III._** The Jester was a deadly entertainer. She had a special affinity with Death, rumours in Ketterdam whispered that she too, had Death bent to her will. Simply being in her presence was enthralling enough.

 ** _IV._** She was never seen without red. Crimson, scarlet, carmine. An embodiment of a warning. Danger, like the bloodiest thing you'd witness. **_Like the fire in her veins._** Even her headstone was blood-red. Ironically, she was a walking contradiction.

Dead and alive. Hot and cold, you'd learn.  
  


 _" i am standing in the ashes_  
 _of who i used to be. "_


	2. Welcome to Hell...Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kaz, Inej, Jesper and Nina arrived at Hellgate, they found an unexpected surprise from the dead, quite literally.

Hellgate wasn't a prison, it was a simply a psychotic break for the weakest of all.

Leia Bennett awoke to the screams of her fellow companions. A hot rush of irritation replaced her grogginess, having half a heart to burn whoever's vocal cords were responsible for ripping her sweet dreams away.

That was until she noticed the absence of light in her cell. _How long have I been asleep?_ It was still daylight when she closed her eyes. From the roaring madness outside her cell, she predicted it was almost halfway into night.

Panic flowed through her body, unnerved by the night. Her kind wasn't made for the darkness, they were vulnerable to the monsters there.

 _"Darkness is the demon's plaything,"_ Selma would say. Her sister was wise, but underestimated the weight that her words would carry. More than once, Selma would jump on her in the dim corners of their house. It cultivated a habit for Leia to always stay in the light.

Perhaps Selma unintentionally instilled a new fear in Leia, but she grew to realise her sister was right. Monsters weren't folklores of childish imaginations, but real beings like her. Like Selma, waiting patiently in the dark for an opulent time to strike—but unlike her, they were filled with malice.

Sitting in the darkness of the cell, Leia finally understood. She basked greedily in the silver of moonlight that sneaked past the miniature window. With every second in the dark, disgust crawled on her skin. It felt like she was disrespecting Selma, draining her sister's wisdom.

Yet Leia yearned to see Selma's face if she knew the truth: that demons weren't scared of the light. That when you spend so much time defending against the dark, you'd be conceited with the comfort of the light.

Leia was impressed by her ability to sleep undisturbed for long. For once, her mind spared her from another episode of unsolved trauma. Pushing herself off the bed, her sight was still fixated on the tiny square at the top of her cell—decorated intricately in rusty iron-clad grips.

"Bennett!" A slam against her cell door warranted her glare. "Time to rise. It is your turn."

She sighed, feet already shuffling towards the now unlocked cell door. The prison guard, whose name she never bothered being acquainted with, fastened heavy chains on her—the sharp clatter of it attracted more pained groans, screams and other unheavenly screeches the other prisoners made. Together, they walked towards the direction of the arena.

When she first arrived, her revolting companions showered whistles as twisted, preying compliments. Not long later, their garrulous teases died down along with their sanity.

Welcome to Hellgate, you survive long enough only to eventually go insane. Usually there was a form of silver lining in that sentence, but this was Hellgate. What you see is what you get.

Despite being quite literally, thrown into the ring, Leia was elated at the sight of light.

Offire.

Her hands were already tingling at the thought of it.

When they came to a stop outside the arena, Leia barely heard the clink of her shackles coming unloose. The warmth emitting off the gigantic torches lighting the stage was all she felt. Revelling in her true nature was electrifying—like she'd walked thousands of miles and finally stumbled upon fresh water. She was parched just staring at the torches of flames.

Hundreds, perhaps even thousands of sick bastards turned up tonight, all stationed in the upper levels of the arena.

"You know what to do," the prison guard said with a pathetic excuse of authority. She didn't dwell on it, only nodding with a dark grin in anticipation.

Some boy was in the ring fighting against a pack of wolves. Leia couldn't care less. Once a month, she was allowed to do this.

Play with fire.

The boy took longer than she imagined. Impatient, she curled her fingers, the simple action made a small flame dance on her palms. She grinned at the antidote for her anxiety—already feeling the nausea banished off her.

 _This_ was her kind. An Inferni reunited with fire once every month like tragic star-crossed lovers.

Cheers from the crowd anchored her back in the present. Suddenly she remembered how far she had fallen down the tree, slamming almost every branch on the way. Now, she was merely a circus freak.

"We are a long way from the _Jester_ , my friend," she whispered to the controlled orange hue in her palms.

A push on her shoulders extinguished the flames. It was her turn. The previous contestant walked out right on cue. Leia managed a quick glance at him, not much younger than she was. Blonde stubble, traumatised face, a tear in his cerulean eyes, though she could have mistaken it under the dim hallway.

Surely someone who won the game should look happy- _happier_. Scratch that, there were only two outcomes from the game, dead or victorious. There wasn't any conscience in Hellgate, no amount of guilt to pass over in a place filled with the dirtiest people in the world. She'd crack a smile too, if her victory would earn her clean water, conjugal visits—what was it that men in Hellgate do?

 _Drüskelle_ , her brain said. Then it clicked.

The Grisha didn't have time to bathe in the glory of knowing a _drüskelle_ killed his own sacred worships. She'd gloat later.

For now, her bare feet padded against the wet sand as she walked to the centre of the arena, not sparing even a glance at the pile of weapons shallowly embedded in the sand. Eventually, she stopped at the wheel of fortune. Her eyes travelled upwards to find countless cloaked figures, whose excitement seemed to peak at her appearance.

"The Fire Bender!" Leia didn't try to suppress rolling her eyes at the idiotic nickname. _A little on the nose._ Unlike other contestants, she never feared the arena, for she wasn't battling with death to earn privileges.

Unlike their eagerness to volunteer, she wasn't spared the luxury of choice.

She'd really prefer not to be ripped into pieces by mountain lions. Not even the best Healer and their Saints could help reattach lost, chewed limbs.

The needle of the wheel landed on...

"Serpent!" The announcer boomed in time for a giant snake to slither out of a dark tunnel from the other end of the arena. It was monstrously huge, long enough to curl around the perimeter of the arena, and then some.

_This was new._

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is an exotic breed all the way from Shadow Fold!"

_Shadow Fold... Great. The Darkling's creations._

Leia gulped whilst staring at the beady eyes already trained on her. The serpent's scales reflected in the luminosity, almost entrancing if she wasn't horrified by its endless rows of razor-sharp teeth. Like all things in Shadow Fold, this reptile was an abomination to nature.

She chuckled nervously to no one but herself, "Something new... I feel so special."

If she didn't fancy getting poisoned by it, her new mission was to worry about _not_ _dying_.

A few gasps sounded from above when her hands swiped across the air to command flames. Newcomers, she presumed. First experience encountering a _Grisha_.

Or perhaps someone recognised the infamous Jester, being reduced to such a state. Imprisoned, forced to participate in Hellshow.

Her predicament was the courtesy of one man, whose despicable name made her blood boil and heart pump faster.

Either way, she had no time to fantasise about revenge. The obnoxious horn signalled her match had begun. Leia stood planted to the ground, fearlessly waiting for the creature to slither just an inch shy from her before separating their distance with a blanket of fire. The creature thrashed at its burns and a grotesque shriek pierced her ears. 

It recovered swiftly, forcing Leia to run in the opposite direction, swaying side by side to slow its trail. She launched arrows of fire past her shoulders, hearing a few hit her target.

The hype in the crowd started to die as she successfully upped the snake in multiple attempts. Her winning was imminent and the crowd could see it.

Then, a shiver of pain coursed through her body, making her trip untimely over her own legs. Her chin met the hard floor with a thud.

The bangle fastened on her ankle stared back at her, a warning from the wardens.

Leia knew the next part of the game: to _lose_.

Soon, the pacing in her steps became sluggish and her aiming gradually lost its accuracy. Leia had to lose, or they'd throw her in a cell completely barricaded—void of light. Her skin started crawling at the reminder of it.

"Saints..." her lungs burned, feeling the onslaught of dizziness about to takeover. _Not here, please,_ she implored inwardly.

Leia gaped at the snarling creature which could effortlessly tear off her limbs, "How am I supposed to do this...?"

Getting poisoned from its bite was supposed to be her finisher until she witnessed the teeth in that thing. Leia Bennett, the Jester, was merely a pathetic excuse for a being now. Reduced to nothing but a vacuum for the merchants.

At the second yank of her ankle chains, she fell on her knees and awaited her destiny. A part of her hoped this might be her quick death.

* * *

Kaz Brekker always had his reasons. Tonight, his visit to Hellgate was for two distinct agendas.

One, Matthias Helvar. Rescue him and use his gratitude to strong-arm him into the heist.

Two...

"The Fire Bender!"

To retrieve someone that Kaz Brekker lost.

His usual stone-cold expression faltered ever so slightly at the sight of _her._ Gloved hands gripped tightly over the stone ledge while examining her figure. On rare occasions, he allowed his shoulders to relax.

Tonight was one such occasion.

"That is..." Jesper's sentence trailed off whilst taking a long hard look at the girl. Even Inej went still, Kaz could feel his Wraith's stare burning through his thick hooded coat.

"Leia is alive?" When Nina spoke of her name, Kaz _flinched_. His uncharacteristic action went unnoticed as his crew stared at the impossible sight.

But oh, it was very much possible. From where they stood, Kaz had an unobstructed view of the entire arena. Precisely why he chose this spot, where he could see every aspect of her face.

After all this time, finally laying on eyes on her felt strange. Kaz didn't know what to expect. Perhaps he imagined her features to be more hollowed, collarbones more sunken in, _weaker_. He almost scoffed at his foolishness, knowing she probably charmed her way through Hellgate, for nobody here looked as normal as her.

Her face glowed brighter than all the bonfires combined. Everything about her remained unchanged: jet-black hair, piercing red in her irises that he could envision all the way where he stood. The only thing different about her was the startling absence of red anywhere on her body. 

She was never seen without it.

Despite her looking exactly how he remembered, her face was a ghost of his past.

"I thought you said people volunteered for this," Nina said to Kaz.

"That I did."

"And Leia volunteered?" Jesper hesitantly asked. "She's not the begging type."

"Are you sure about that?" Nina retorted immediately, and Kaz picked up on a hint of triumph in her voice. 

He blew out a breath, almost feeling grateful for the ridiculous mask they all donned. He didn't have time to deal with the expression they often wore when they silently demanded answers from the bastard of the Barrel. He mumbled dismissively, "Maybe Hellgate changes a person."

Kaz didn't share the same exhilaration as the audience when she used her powers. Rather, something flooded his veins, pressed uncomfortably against his chest as he watched the magnificent sight of fire outline her frame.

"Saints, what is she doing!" Jesper yelled frantically, attracting busybodies. Kaz couldn't stand nosy people, they were loud and obnoxious. And in this job, he couldn't afford nosy. Jesper's outburst could foil their plan if someone recognised them.

He'd considered slapping the sharpshooter, until he realised the gravity of the situation.

Leia Bennett laid unconscious, in a pool of her blood.

There Kaz found it, her crimson red. 


	3. Jailbreak, Part One

Death, a morbid ideal that casually plagued Leia's mind more than it should. It should be disturbing, being entangled with death like that, but childhood was a silvered dream that expired the second she stepped into Ketterdam.

People here wagered their lives every day. Preparing for your death was practically a rite of passage when you run with the Dregs.

Dying became the new normal, or that was what Leia told herself.

Tonight, fate rejected her calls again. Was it truly her luck that she survived another Hellshow? Leia struggled with the answer.

But awaking in an unfamiliar cell, she _did_ know this familiar routine. Customary after every fight before transferring her back, for the medik's easy access. This cell was relatively clean, however the wafting smell of human waste made her questioned her need for oxygen.

"Hey!" A raucous voice broke her peace. Her neck painfully craned to the streaks of light sneaking from the hallway, thinking. But even that exhausted her. Paralysing pain that rolled across her body quaked away her desire to burn this chatterbox alive.

Thus, Leia busied herself with the four walls that caged her in. A new cell meant new paintings; meaningless carvings gouged by other prisoners.

This was the new normal, Leia had long succumbed to it. This too, will pass. _It had to._

Things happen fast. One minute you could be downing whiskey to your heart's content, the next, bleeding out in an inconspicuous alley. Or in Leia's case, coming so close to revenge, and the next minute, falling victim to the person she swore to destroy. By someone she _thought_ was a friend, no less.

"Oi!" There it was again, "You're that damned Fire Bender, right? I know you can hear me!"

 _Just another crazed excited to see the Fire Bender on exhibition_ , she reckoned, releasing a grunt and carefully flipped on her other side. Her tender ribs burned with every movement.

There was _everything_ to hate about the Fire Bender. In Kerch, _Grishas_ were sold like trade goods. So when an imprisoned one showed up for _free_ , how could they pass it up?

There was money to be made.

Scarcity was a brilliant concept one council member clearly grasped. Only once a month she'd be tolled out in grand fashion, as opposed to the weekly triads of other prisoners. To ensure an endless income of kruge, her Hellshow was rigged. Losing was part of the game—beaten down or unconscious, whichever came first. The crowd wasn't picky.

People simply didn't like someone invincible.

It wasn't Leia's choice to be a circus animal, but confined with darkness was a potent way to grind her willpower—her misstep for revealing her tell like an idiot. Still, it didn't matter, Hellgate was as corrosive as it smelled. Within three weeks of her stay, the clutches of the Fire Bender clasped tighter while the Jester remained dormant inside.

_Whatever it takes to survive, right?_

Her opposite cellmate continued shouting, likewise, Leia continued to swallow her irritation. Though between the deafening arena cheers and her noisy thoughts, she wasn't desperate for a rambling psychotic in the mix.

Parting her lips took a much bigger effort than she imagined and the dryness of her throat soon made her regret it.

"Yes. I am that _damned_ Fire Bender, and I'll show you exactly what it means if you don't shut up."

Then, she got her serenity back. In everything she hated about the Fire Bender, the notoriety of it was her favourite.

* * *

Something in the air shifted when she reopened her eyes. She _felt_ it.

Then she heard it; blood-curling, _gnarly_ screams between thundered footsteps. Ignoring the protests from her aching body, she clawed her way over. This little accomplishment already broke her out in sweat.

"Worth it..." The stretched hallway was _empty_ , not a single guard she could see under the fire torches. No guards, left alone with fire? This deadly oversight wasn't carelessness, _something happened._ Something big enough to leave an Inferni unattended.

Now _that_ earned her undivided attention. This familiar routine of hers took an interesting turn.

"My turn, bitches," Leia grinned, sticking both palms against the crude iron door at once. When weak faltering embers sparked, she realised her confidence was premature. _Ignorance of the arrogance, Leia._ The great escape that she dreamt of thousands of times finally presented itself, only now, her body was too weak to execute it.

 _"If you're nothing without fire..."_ Her mother's reminder echoed harshly. Leia tried, and failed again—met with childish sparks.

"...Fire is nothing for you," she slumped defeatedly against the rusty door. Feeling choked just _watching_ the golden opportunity seep through.

 _Miss you, mother... Are Selma and you doing well?_ Weirdly, Leia _chuckled_. The sudden thought of Selma falling sick as a child amused her. Childish ruses to guilt their mother into making sweets for them- Oh how she missed her mother's culinary.

Maybe the excruciating pain after being slammed unconscious by a serpent tail made her delirious. But she tasted it in the back of her throat—buttery, scrumptious flakes of baked dough... How she managed to imagine what proper food tasted like bewildered her. If the injustice of it didn't jolted motivation in her bloodstream, then revenge certainly did.

 _Pekka Rollins_. His living was evidence of a promise yet to be fulfilled.

She _needed_ to get out. Count it as her duty as a daughter. And she'd be a moron not try harder when the opportunity was practically dished on a silver platter.

"Every last one," she gritted her mantra. _Let hatred guide your way._

Mustering all her energy, she was hell-bent on melting through the locks. Piercing pain nudged in her head, unsure if it was the soaring adrenaline or her growing weakness.

It was a blurred line as of late.

"What are– You're breaking out," she peeked outside and an older man with a prominent scar down his right eye greeted her. He was the man that kept shouting. Upon eye contact, his features twisted, hysterical, "Hey, get me out! Or I'll call the guards!"

"Then scream, do your best," Leia sneered. With the animals roaring outside, she'd take her chances. Like a sane guard would believe the unfathomable thought of a prison break.

Right there Leia found her perfect weapon— _the ignorance of arrogance._

Heat from her small fire soared, it wouldn't take long before the lock melt. Drops of sweat fell, sizzling under the glowing red metal and the smell of burning rust swirled her head faster.

" _Louder_ , put some energy into it. They can't hear you," she smirked at the man.

Her heart jumped at new muffled conversations down the hallway. Guards? Did she jinx it? _Hurry up,_ her rational thought hastened, forcing her to pushed past her limit and manipulating whatever combustible particle that remained, concentrating it onto her palms.

A few seconds later, her determination prevailed. The metal lock dribbled like water down the floor.

"It worked," she exhaled heavily.

Black spots already decorated her vision when she swung open the cell door and she had to rely on the doorframe for support. Cautionary, she inched outside—it was _liberating._ Freezing air slapped against her skin, yet she welcomed it, a grateful reminder that she was alive. Even the putrid smell no longer bothered her.

Leia managed a laugh, still in shock.

The man opposite her cell gaped at her achievement, "Shame, you look ready to flop. I was counting on you to pass a message, _Jester_." He chuckled sinisterly, a glint in his eyes upon her fallen expression.

"You know me?"

"Of course!" He laughed like she missed a joke. "Leia Bennett. Arsonist of the Dregs, a true showstopper."

She masked the stagger in her voice perfectly, "What's this message you speak of?"

"Excellent, my mother taught me that the smartest person is always straightforward—so let me be. I know you used to run with Kaz Brekker, so that's the first thing I'll tell them."

From the way he spat out Kaz's name, she knew there was more to the story. She yawned disinterestedly, "Kaz Brekker is a known name, nothing special. Make it snappy, I have a jail to escape."

"I have a score to settle with Brekker. Say hi– no, say Geiszlerg is coming. After I tell them how Brekker helped you escape, I'll see him here."

 _A score? You and ten thousand more._ Her eyes flickered between him and the suspicious conversation down the hallway. "They won't believe you."

He grinned, revealing a set of yellowed, chipped teeth. "I'm an excellent storyteller."

"You also speak of your mother when you're sixty years old."

Dumb or pathetic didn't quite capture the essence of this man. Then again, she was wasting precious time with a maniac who thinks the great Kaz Brekker was that easy to topple, when she should already be out of this block.

"Fifty-eight," his eyebrow twitched.

"Thank you for your monologue," Leia stood straighter to fight off the fatigue in her, "So far, you've acted neither straightforward or fifty-eight years old, Geiszlerg. How disappointing to dear old mother."

Leia uncrossed her arms with a wide smile, "But hey, you wanted to see the damned Grisha, right?"

Fear. It spread in his eyes like wildfire and that was exactly what happened. Geiszlerg was too slow to dodge the spurt of fire sent his way. Upon contact, the fire dispersed across his face. In a useless frenzy, his hands swatted his blazing face—unknowing that he'd never stand a chance against _Grisha_ fire.

 _How's this for_ _show-stopping_ _?_ Leia smirked, watching her fire swallow him whole. A blink later, he was nothing but bright silhouette of fire.

Geiszlerg would make a terrible poker player, showing all his cards like that. Opening his big mouth to the Dime Lions would cost her. He signed his death, as far as she was concerned.

"And just so we're clear about vengeance," Leia cooed at the screaming man, unsure where his face was but she'd settled for the burning flesh.

Leia managed a proud smile, "Kaz Brekker's mine."

She advanced further down the hall, heading for the literal light at the end of the tunnel. Her hands outstretched along the walls to support her, attempting to take larger steps. Cold sweat soaked her neck down to her back, exhausted from exercising too much power.

But she had more troubles to worry about. Clearly, Geiszlerg's screams attracted the bizzare group ahead. Leia vaguely saw one head pop out of a cell before more harsh whispers ensued. Three, maybe four people, she deduced. Including this shadow of a man who was now blocking her pathway.

A cane accompanied his shadow—maybe she could take him. But she couldn't fight them all, not in this state. Her body had marvellous timings.

It was a few feet before she confronted the group when her grip on the walls slipped and naturally, her legs gave way.

For the second time tonight, her body harshly slammed against the ground and her already injured head took the brunt of the fall. The impact was enough to knock her unconscious. Her vision was blended senselessly.

Yet again, the light at the end of the tunnel was just a giant, distant dream.

_Every last one. You need to... get up, Leia._

Her eyelids were begging to shut, if not for her roaring persistence. A part of her was still fighting, she admired that. But even the strongest knew when to concede, especially if the opponent was fate itself.

Much to fate's content, her limbs admitted defeat. Before the pool of darkness excitedly embraced her, Leia saw a murky face that was sufficient to bring her back, even from the dead.

"Kaz?"

* * *

Nina Zenik openly wondered why she didn't scurry for Ravka on the first boat out. Looks like her moral compass served no use, even for gratitude.

"Nobody breaks out of Hellgate," Matthias Helvar scoffed, casting a hateful glance that Nina caught.

 _Men and their non-functioning brains. Why not get mad after we break you out of Hellgate?_ The Heartrender bit her lip and reviewed Muzzen's injuries.

"Tonight they do," Kaz stated.

Seconds later, aside from the screams and shrieks from the arena, a distinctively scream down the hall distracted them all. It set them on-edge, and from Kaz's reaction, that wasn't part of his plan.

"On your feet, Helvar," Kaz offered him a gloved hand.

Nina briefly smiled at Muzzen, who uncomfortably settled into Matthias' bed. Another wave of screeching came by, "What's happening?"

Kaz didn't answer, only nodding to Inej. Nina hugged herself, feeling the cold rustle her cloak. "Matthias," she nodded, "The girl who fought after you. Do you know where she is?"

"The Fire Bender?"

Kaz arched a brow, "Why the nickname?"

Matthias shrugged, "It's what they call her. She makes good money for the Merchant Council, that much I know."

Inej squeezed her hands tightly, equally worried. A flash of Leia in the arena passed her mind. Nina couldn't believe it. She saw Leia's corpse, scattered her ashes, _mourned_ her. _The woman I saw, a secret twin? Tailored?_ she tried to reason. _But someone who is also an Inferni? Impossible_. Nina should start believing in fairy tales next.

"Inej!" Kaz shouted with a whiff of anxiety that Nina now mirrored. Whatever got Kaz Brekker spook, she didn't want to know.

A heavy thud outside startled her. Looking past her shoulders, she watched Inej and Kaz walk in, propping a body between them.

"Leia!" Nina charged forward. Leia's sweat drenched body, bleeding nose, busted lips made her cringe. As much as Nina tried to maintain composure, the sourness in her nose and teary vision proved she failed. "All Saints... She needs help!" Her knuckle lightly caressed the side of Leia's bruised cheek, afraid to induce more pain.

"Nina," The gravity in Kaz's voice jerked her focus back. One good leg didn't seem to bother him as he carried Leia over to the bed, "Fix her." He commanded fiercely, "I need her well."

Flustered, Nina's mind was blank. But the _Grisha_ part of her was muscle memory—closing Leia's wounds was easy, but everyone grew antsy when the Inferni still laid unconscious after the Heartrender tried raising her heartbeat, nothing.

"Is she even alive?" Matthias spitefully asked from the sidelines, earning a harsh glare from her.

Kaz shared her annoyance, tapping his crowed cane, "She will be."

Inej circled Leia's body, "Kaz, we don't have much time. We need to start moving."

"My plan was to walk her out," Kaz's sharp words directed to her. Nina clenched her fists again and mumbled a prayer _(so did Inej)_ when she isolated Leia's heartbeat.

Then she raced it. _Please, Leia... I need you to wake up._

A series of loud inhales made her jump. Then, Leia's dark black eyes fluttered open, and for the second time today, Nina almost cried again.

"Inej...? What–"

"Nina..." Leia gasped, jolting into a sitting position before Nina tackled her with a bone-crushing hug. It was a while before Leia leaned into the hug.

"Yes Leia," a raspy voice sounded, and Leia visibly froze. "It's real."

 _When did Kaz move to the far end of the cell?_ Nina questioned, finding it odd that Kaz still wore his expressionless face for a friend that reprised from the dead.

Then Leia's reaction made her understand.

Recharged, Leia pushed out of Inej and Nina's arms, feeling more fire in her soul. She headed straight for Kaz Brekker, who stood tall with his cane and donned an impassive face that royally pissed her off.

There was no breathy "hello", no wide smiles like she did with Inej, certainly no reuniting hugs. All the relief that flooded her was replaced by rage. White-hot, blind rage.

The man that conquered her dreams every night, the star of her revenge fantasies.

"You sold me out!" Leia roughly pushed his shoulder, and even then, Kaz's face remained unchanged. That made her blood boil, literally—her hands glowed as a natural reaction, only feeling the fire travel through her veins. "You–"

Once again, Leia's knees buckled from over asserting her powers, but she caught herself quickly. Right then did she saw Kaz's eyes widened significantly, if she didn't know him better, she thought his gloved hands almost reach out.

 _Guilty bastard_ , she examined his tightly-wound jaw.

"What do you mean Kaz sold you out?" Inej called out, while Nina jogged up to sling an arm over her shoulder, creating some much-needed distance before the Inferni turned Kaz Brekker into a pile of ashes.

Then something struck Nina, recalling Kaz's unfazed reaction in the arena, extra standoffish behaviour that was mildly out of character, even for him.

Leia looked at Kaz with what could only be described as pure hatred in her eyes. And he willingly obliged, never breaking her gaze even as Nina and Inej surrounded them. Her fists clenched at the sweeping sight of Kaz's sharp features, pale skin and dark hair, _everything about him remained unchanged._

The words tasted sour when she said it, "Kaz Brekker threw me here. In Hellgate."


	4. The Truth Will Set You Free, But First, It Will Piss You Off

Kaz Brekker running out of witty replies was something straight out from a book of mythical folklore.

Until now.

In the short minute of Kaz's silence, it invited Nina and Inej to fuel Leia's anger.

Nina, Inej, a heavily injured Muzzen and even Matthias whipped their heads to Kaz, synchronised in shocked. Judging from their reactions, the minuscule of suspicious that darkened Leia's heart faded away. She thought that they, too, knew of her imprisonment.

"What the _hell_ did Leia just say?" The edge in Nina's voice teetered dangerously, gone was all traces of the warm sunshine Leia always felt around her. 

Between Nina's grinding teeth and the sound of scraping metal on metal from Inej's knives, Kaz was severely outnumbered. 

Every second of silence fed her wrath. Leia wounded her fists tightly, suppressing her insatiable need to turn Kaz Brekker into ash. 

_Later_ , she focused on her exhales. _His time will come._

Still, Kaz's eyes remained trained on her. He leaned casually against the cold prison wall, tapping rhythmically on his crow cane. She hated how his head still held high in her presence, a glowing aura that the Bastard of the Barrel wore like a cloak. Exactly what breed of heartless monster did he come from? She'd have better luck churning a reaction from the _rinca_ _moten_ in the arena instead. 

When Kaz finally parted his lips, Leia thought he better make it a good one. Her patience was increasingly restless.

"We're late, Jesper's waiting. Let's go, now."

_How cold._

Leia unclenched her fists, letting the berserk rage on her face melt back into the composure she dressed so well. She wouldn't let him break her again. 

"No," Leia casually slumped against the wall.

"No?" Her reply clearly shocked Kaz and the rest.

"You heard me." She nodded to the _drüskelle_ they were breaking out, "And why are you breaking a _drüskelle_ out?"

Leia expressed the same distaste when Matthias mouthed, "Witch."

"It's a long story," Kaz clearly didn't want to explain it.

"Then shorten it."

"Leia," She swallowed the hateful shudder every time Kaz uttered her name, "We'll have plenty of time to do this later," he leaned forward like he was soothing a child. From her peripheral vision, Nina gave the tiniest of nods. Inej simply sheathed her knives.

"I'm not an idiot. I am getting out of this place and I'll take anybody's help, even _you_ ," Leia waved dismissively, clutching her sore ribs. Sighing, "The fact of the matter is, if I tag along, none of us will get out of here."

Kaz almost looked offended, "My plans don't fail."

"You don't know–" Nina started.

Leia sighed loudly, "Oh, says the visitor, Nin. Go on with the _drüskelle_ , I have my own plans." She spoke up again when they shook their heads. "I assume the west entrance is still open?"

"Every day," Inej answered without hesitation, then narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "You're not...?"

The ghost of a smile appeared on Leia's lips just as a flame danced on the tip of her fingers, "Go where you come from, right?"

But Kaz understood it pretty quick, "You're not possibly–" she shushed him with a silencing hand.

"No mourners," Inej called after Leia's already retreating figure.

Upon those words, she froze. One year without hearing this mantra uttered to ground the crows, remind them that despite what the streets of Ketterdam believed, they weren't invincible.

These days, Leia had a new mantra. 

"As far as I'm concerned, Kaz Brekker already arranged my funeral."

And it was true, out of all people, she heard about her own death from Pekka Rollins _._ She held a death grip on Matthias' cell door, hoping to catch one last glance of Kaz's expressionless guilty face to fuel her journey. But even light wasn't on her side. 

Luckily, the shadows gifted her with the knowledge that Kaz stood up straighter after her words. And that, was plenty to convert her anger into strength.

"Where is she going?" Leia heard Nina ask.

"The incinerator."

* * *

Hot was an understatement here. Blink, and beads of sweat dripped past Leia's eyelashes. Thick clouds of black smoke ate her whole. There was an itch in her throat that enticed her to cough, but she was no fool. The fingers that pinched her nose were shaking at this point, begging for oxygen. 

In absence of sight and smell, touch was all she had left. Leia's free hand patted nervously around the walls, internally panicking when all she felt was stone walls. Her toes curled frantically in the oversized shoes she stole, feeling her heart pound when her body exhausted the last silver of oxygen. 

Finally, her thumb came across a small metal ring—big enough to loop her fingers through it.

 _The exit_ , she could almost cry.

Light and fresh air flooded in from the small opening. The contrast between the great fire behind her and the freezing sprays of seawater ahead was borderline painful, but she revelled in it. 

Leia Bennett escaped Hellgate.

"As the prophecy foretold..." another impossible laughter poured out of her.

She leapt down to a ledge the width of her feet, but shorter. The lightness in her head almost caused her to slip off, but she slapped herself awake. One wrong step and she'd crash straight into sharks infested waters. Times like this made Leia worship Inej as her personal goddess. Now, Leia just had to circle around the old prison's exterior on sea-eaten, rotten wooden planks, in a night of heavy winds, to reach Kaz's boat.

Easy feat. 

Leia arrived by the boat faster than the group, immediately spotting Jesper Fahey. The Hellgate guard uniform was an awkward fit on him, further enhancing how out of place Jesper looked when he stiffened in shock. It wasn't until Leia hopped down to the boat, did Jesper finally snap out of it. 

"You _are_ real," he marvelled, mouth agape. A laugh somewhere between bafflement and joy sounded from him when he tackled her into a hug.

Even few things remained unchanged in her tumbled world, one of it being Jesper's calming scent. Leia welcomed the hint of sulfur and metallic tang of gunpowder to fill her nose. It smelt like Ketterdam... like home. 

At that, she tightened the embrace. If this was a cruel dream... Jesper seemed to sense that and rubbed soft circles in her hair, "You're here," he reassured. "I'm real..."

When they pulled apart, Jesper wasted no time to jeer at her dirty face, arms and hands, all caked by dirt and soot, "You look well."

"The best. Have you seen this place?" Leia pointed to Hellgate, " _Paradise_. Exceptional hospitality."

"Enough," a slight smile appeared on Jesper's lips. "Your sarcasm was greatly missed, Leia Bennett. But I missed your fire more, Kaz is an even bigger pain to handle, if you can actually believe it."

Her smile fell. Jesper didn't know the truth yet.

The small boat tilted without warning, signalling the arrival of the rest. 

"Reunion later, escape now," Kaz grumbled, not before using his cane to nudge Jesper away. He turned to face Leia, frowning, "What happened?"

"The incinerator," she replied like it was the most obvious thing.

When the boat finally started to drift, Leia shifted to the tip of the rowboat. All the bickering became background noise as she scanned every corner of the fortress—like she would to a new cell. This chapter of her life would forever be committed to memory.

Soon, the dense night haze slowly veiled over Hellgate. It remained as it was, an ominous entity in the middle of nowhere.

A slow smile built, "See you around."

Leia looked over her shoulders only to find expecting eyes between Kaz and her. He shifted to the other end of the boat, still silently staring at her. Instead of a continuance, Leia gestured to the unconscious _drüskelle_. "Who is this?"

"Matthias Helvar," Inej said. At that, Leia's eyes widened, immediately looking to Nina. Her reluctant nods confirmed it.

"No wonder he looked like he'd rather die than be rescued." She nudged his body with her leg, "Actually, you might want to check if he's still alive."

The Heartrender rolled her eyes. "For all our safety and those who can't swim," Nina glared at her, "He's under. Though after what he did... I'm not sure if he's still alive." Nina mumbled with a hand over Matthias' chest. "But he will be."

Leia knew she was referring to the wolves Matthias killed. "That was Hellgate, Nin. He's nothing but an empty shell now."

This time, Kaz finally looked away.

* * *

"You did _what_?" Jesper's enraged yells reverberated through the harbour, attracting several curious stares from late-night dock workers. Leia had caught Jesper to speed about Kaz's doings, specifically with a one-liner: _Kaz Brekker threw me in prison._ Thank the Saints she foregone a full exposé because Jesper's reactions would surely invite the _entire_ Ketterdam over.

Meanwhile, Matthias still laid unconscious on the damp harbour gravel, an all-around pathetic but humorous vision.

Speaking of pathetic, Kaz nursing his temples in distress made her realise he wasn't cut out to be a performer. When he looked up, she swore he was asking her for help.

Sighing, she pushed Jesper behind her to join Nina and Inej. Kaz was facing the jury alone. 

"Jes, your shouts are enough to raise the dead."

The Zemeni boy looked pleased, "Why, thank you."

"It's not a compliment. I'm supposed to be dead and I hear it's not very kind to rob dead people of their peace."

Jesper rested his hands on his prized revolvers, still side-eyeing Kaz before he scoffed, "Have you become a Saint in Hellgate?"

Inej butted in before Leia could burn the cheeky sharpshooter, "Technically, you _are_ dead. Because that's what Kaz told us."

Nina interjected, " _And_ we saw you dead."

Leia's head snapped so fast to Kaz, it hurt, "You _tailored_ someone? How dare you?"

"For the record, she looked exactly like you," Jesper added on.

"I doubt she captured all of this." Leia waved a dismissive hand before Jesper could reopen his mouth, "Well, now I'll have to add "mediocre imposter" to my growing list of worries. Alongside with the fact that everyone in Hellgate thinks I'm dead, so, if _anyone_ sees me on the street..." 

Kaz's eyes widened, stepping forward. "You'll be safe at the Slat," he decided.

 _He's_ _insane_ , she almost laughed. "No. The days of you telling me what to do are over, Brekker."

Just like that, her words could summon winter. The other crows' eyebrows shot up high and they made quick work to excuse themselves—refusing to be caught in this crossfire.

Nina tossed one last suspicious glance. "Nothing to worry about, Nin. See you later."

Like the whole of tonight, Leia and Kaz stood in opposites. A few silent minutes passed, each more unnerving than the next. She properly studied him this time, from top to bottom. Truthfully, she didn't know what she was looking for.

_Swollen eyes? He does look skinnier, though. But then again, this is Kaz Brekker—he probably skipped dinner just to fool you._

Leia scowled, still feeling his burning gaze when she turned her back to observe the gushing waves. Every time she blinked, it stunned her to not find herself in Hellgate.

_This is what you've done to me_ _, Kaz Brekker._

"I will ask you once..." She closed her eyes, preparing herself. "Why'd you do it?"

His reply came quick, "I had no choice."

The railing under her grip could break. She gritted her teeth, "Kaz Brekker never runs out of choices."

"I did, once." Her eyes pinched tighter at his growing presence. If he came closer, she wouldn't be responsible for her lack of control. 

But Kaz always knew the perfect ways to irk her. Her grip tightened, hearing his cane tap right behind her. 

He sighed, "I did it for you."

" _Lies_!"

Red. It controlled, _embodied_ her. Leia couldn't stop the fire from bleeding her dry. When she reopened her eyes, she was no longer in control. In that moment, her mind was absent of all thoughts, only focused on the present. 

On Kaz. 

The fire on her palms lit every molecule inside her with purpose. It felt like she was doused with fresh water after being deprived for so long—her throat no longer itched and it was absolutely _euphoric_. 

Power flowed in her veins, with just a snap of her fingers, she could deliver Kaz to his maker. The corners of her lips upturned when the red in her irises reflected back from Kaz's coal black eyes. 

Then something inside her yanked her back. It screamed: _he's your friend! You trust him with your life!_

Leia blinked rapidly and snapped down to her hands, stunned. Kaz staggered backwards, eyes wide as he stared down the flames inches from his face. A breathy apology almost flew past her lips, but she drowned it nonetheless. The fire died under her command. 

Kaz stretched out an easing hand, " _Leia_. Control."

"Don't!–" She shouted, wanting to set fire to as many things just to spite him. Instead, she gave in. Controlled it, as she'd grown to learn. When the dust eventually settled, the betrayal stung even worse. His hypocrisy disgusted her.

 _Trusted,_ she corrected herself, _You trusted him._

Unable to trust herself, Leia shoved her hands in her back pocket. "Don't you dare tell me you did this for me. You're a selfish bastard who couldn't stand the thought of not being the one to kill Rollins, so you had me arrested!" 

Leia laughed dryly when Kaz's head shook ever so slightly, and she made no effort to wipe the one tear that escaped defiantly, "I didn't put things together until Rollins _laughed_ in my face. He told me you _called_ him, served me up on a silver platter, didn't you, Kaz?"

Kaz went still, "Don't listen to Rollins."

"Tell me I'm right," her voice broke, making her pinch herself in loathing. 

"You were–"

"Spare me, _Brekker_ ," she enjoyed Kaz's unease at the way she called his name. "Look me in the eye and say yes."

Leia wasn't sure she was breathing anymore. She bit down on her lips, tasting blood. 

"Yes," his word pierced through the deadly night.

One word was all it took to knock the air out of Leia's lungs. She had to slap a hand over her mouth to stop herself from acting even more pathetic than she was. Her fingernails had long pierced through the barrier of skin, staining her palms in carmine. 

Kaz stepped forward, "Listen to me."

"One person... After everything that happened, I trusted one person," she retreated whenever Kaz took another step. 

_Trusting you? Maybe I asked for this. But I'd never thought you'd treat me all the same, Kaz._

Perhaps his face fell, she couldn't see, nor she didn't want to care. His voice went lower, "You killed innocents. _Families_."

Leia scoffed, hastily wiping her tears, "They were _Rollins_. As long as they bare the name, they are all free game."

Kaz hurried, "They had _nothing_ to do with our vengeance!"

" _Our_ vengeance?" She snapped, willingly closing their distance, almost head-to-head. Her voice reduced to a whisper, "Kaz Brekker... Please do me the favour and _never_ associate with me anymore.

Leia paused to exhale, contemplating her last words. This would be the last time she'd ever see him. She would forget about his shiny black hair, dangerous eyes, his utterly detestable no-good-scheming face. 

Something in his eyes shone brighter. "Leia, you want revenge. Take it, I'm right here."

Nothing but silence from her. Kaz tilted his head ever so slightly as if daring her to do it.

He once remarked that her appetite was her best and worst quality. Two souls united with the same goal, it was what made them companions on this spiteful road called vengeance. One year ago, Leia would have never thought they'd be at a crossroad like this.

In Hellgate, she promised Kaz's time would come. What better time than now? But for reasons beyond her, her chest _ached._ With revenge occupying every part of her soul, Leia didn't know there was still room for a conscience. 

"Travel far away, Dirtyhands. For the next time I see you, I promise you, _you will lose another leg_."

Kaz Brekker wasn't one that was threatened by merely anything. After Jordie, he walked through Hell, and then more. 

_What have you got left to fear?_ He asked himself, watching Leia disappeared into the streets. He was sure he no longer had anything to fear. 

But under the moonlight, Kaz desperately wanted to know if the ache in his chest was from guilt, or...

He heard Inej long before she spoke. A presence that silently hovered behind him, "Saints. What did you do, Kaz?"

 _Nothing that wasn't necessary_ , he convinced. 


	5. The Enemy of My Enemy

Maybe, just _maybe,_ Kaz was right. She was safer off at the Slat. But she was willing to drown face flat in the Fifth Harbour than to ever admit that.

Her rationality was like the curl of smoke after an extinguished candle of ego. She _allowed_ Kaz to break her again—the proof in her lapsed breaths and hasty tears.

There Leia stood, hidden in the unlit curve right outside the Slat, eyeing her regret that came in the form of a three-levelled building. Which happened to be the only insulated place in Ketterdam.

 _Curse your impulsiveness_ , Selma nagged. _A broken heart is no reason for a weak mind._

Leia wanted to go to Nina as promised, but thought Matthias Helvar was already a big enough problem.

She escaped Hellgate, returned home. _She_ _made it_. But how could a celebration feel so lonely?

Pride held high, she sought refuge in an alley near the Slat. She'd be safe here, no sane person would cause trouble around Dirtyhands' home.

 _Still living in his light?_ Ah. The Ketterdam nights were cold as always. Her ability to keep herself warm was about all the pride she had left. Yet in the basking warmth, all that came to mind was a fleeting set of bitter eyes—so cunning and cold _._ Only a year had passed, but his hardened eyes were still etched in memory. Leia wondered what price Dirtyhands paid in her absence.

From here, she had a perfect view of his room. Even in the dead of the night, it was still lit. A shadow of him played on his drawn curtains. Judging from the way his head was perched on one hand, she reckoned he fell asleep on his desk.

Always so busy, she huffed. And he'd always say: "I'll have plenty of rest in my grave."

He came to Hellgate, why? Was it guilt? She ridiculed, he needed a heart for that to happen.

_And who said he came for you? He went to save the drüskelle first, didn't he?_

By the time morning rolled in, Leia cowered in a heavy black suit jacket—courtesy of one bastard's wardrobe. Kaz's brilliance and downfall was his arrogance. He thought nobody would dare steal from him. Well...

His black jacket fitted larger than her shoulders, but she flattened its silky lapel, pulled down her hat and wasted no time to find a Tailor. Between two jewel shops in Little Ravka, housed the most talented Tailor she'd ever met.

If anyone could have helped Kaz Brekker tailor a carbon copy of her, it was him.

She spared no glances to anyone else, head low and feet fast until she arrived in Little Ravka. The Lantsov symbol hung everywhere. It was impossible to escape from it. In the blinding pool of Ravkan blue and gold, she spotted a familiar signage.

All the _Grishas_ in Ketterdam knew each other, so the moment Leia entered the cosy shop with her face finally visible, she knew walked into the very eye of a storm. _Grishas_ don't do well with people rising from the dead—apparent from the way a Heartrender immediately tried to demobilise her.

"We know the Jester is dead. Speak, imposter, or your heart will stop for good."

Leia clawed urgently at her throat, gasping for air. The Heartrender, Elsie unclenched her fists just a little as she fell. Spilling some of Sankt Alina's bones out of their supply crates.

If the rumours were true, she was the last Inferni in Ketterdam. These days, lighting a fire seemed to be the only way she could prove herself—so she did. A weak finger propped high enough and called to the particles in the air.

The hostility melted off Elsie's pale face, "It really is you..."

"I see... you still go for the jugular, Elsie," Leia coughed, picked up her fallen hat and dusted her– _Kaz's_ coat. "So it's true, Elias helped to fake my death?"

At that, Elsie tensed, back paddling to create distance between them. Leia forced a neutral face, enjoying that the Jester's reputation still carried weight here.

Elsie visibly exhaled when a deeper voice spoke, "Brekker offered good money to keep this place going." 

Elias.

A middle-age man appeared from the side arch, streaks of silver peeking through his ink-black hair. Too black, like the darkest of midnight, or the work of a legendary Tailor. Smile lines had appeared beside his blue eyes, but he didn't bother with that. "And I heard you were better off dead."

Leia tilted her head, wondering what version of truth Kaz painted for Elias, "You know I don't understand Ravkan."

"Whoever said it was Ravkan?" He said, making her scoff lightly. She didn't come for a lecture from the old man. "Elsie, bring our best kvas and my kit."

The most talented Tailor wasn't an understatement. The mole above her left eye faded away. Rounder eyes, lower cheekbones, fuller cheeks accompanied with a new shoulder length hair—a stark contrast to her actual self. When she left the shophouse, nobody would recognise the golden brown hair and amber eyed lady. Maybe Elias was right about her being better off dead.

But Elias was an average Healer. He wasn't the perfect man for the job but to keep up Leia's new identity, she had no choice but to sit through his agonising attempt to restructure her broken ribs. Elise tried to distract her by pushing for a silver hair instead. It was tempting, but wearing a lantern on her head defeats the concept of discreet.

"You? On the run?" The siblings choked on their kvas. What possibly could Leia Bennett, the trusted asset of Dirtyhands had to fear?

She shrugged towards the _Grishas_ , far from home, "Aren't we all?"

"Here I thought you weren't Ravkan," Elias said. "My work will last you three days. Plenty of time to think about your future, child." 

Her future... What about it? Revenge would have to wait, she needed money to go after Pekka Rollins.

And that was _exactly_ what Kaz enticed her with.

It was midnight when she found Kaz waiting for her. She expected a run-in with him, just not this soon. He sat on the Slat's staircase, long legs crossed together, accompanied by an immense amount of patience. He wore only a grey waistcoat, pristine collared white shirt and straightened black trousers.

All but his coat.

Leia shut the door behind her, lifting a curious brow. Then she tried to pass for a Shu accent, speaking timidly, "Mister... _Breaker_ , is it?"

Kaz rolled his eyes and stuffed his pocket watch away, "You sure pick the most expensive coat. I expected you to return to the Slat after Nina."

Ah, Nina. The Heartrender had hunted her down earlier that afternoon, acting like Kaz didn't send her and Leia couldn't beat him in chess every time.

"I'm a busy girl," she dropped the accent, unceremoniously throwing Kaz's coat on his lap. Then she paused.

_The next time I see you, you'll lose another leg._

Her face must have betrayed her, because in one swift move, Kaz swiped a playing card from his pockets. She briefly caught his gloved fingers throwing it across the room. The single candle that lit the floor went dark before she blinked.

Dramatic and impressive. The Jester would have worshipped his antics. But Leia Bennett didn't, she hated the darkness that now blanketed them. "You have a death wish, Brekker. Lucky for you, I'm here to fulfil it."

"I can see _you_. You can't see me. But you can hear."

"Semantics. I'll–"

"Or you can hear me out. I have a job."

 _Ah. So he actually intended to break you out of Hellgate._ Leia stopped herself from feeling remotely appreciative. _For a job,_ she reminded.

Did he need more money for his wardrobe?

Her brain chastised, _"You know damn well what he wants, revenge."_ Yeah. She wouldn't let Kaz have it.

Leia relit the candle, prying her crawling skin from the darkness' embrace. "Pass. Burning you alive sounds much better."

Kaz loosened his black tie, "Your impulsiveness, Leia. Good to know prison hasn't changed you much."

"Hm. I simply cannot grow another face as quickly as you. I am getting there, though."

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. _Good, spikes in your non-existent heart._ She dared him to look her in the eyes.

"Three million _kruge_ ," he tried.

"Again, pass," came her cold reply.

But Kaz always had a way with words, their gaze connected. "Revenge is a hefty price to pay. That'd take what, two years?"

 _Two years you wasted for me_.

"Surely you realise what difference three million would make. Take the job, Leia."

She haven't dealt with something as common as _kruge_ in years.

If _kruge_ was Kaz's demons, revenge was hers. Shall the day come that Kaz ever prayed to get rich, she'd be religiously kneeling next to him, calling to whichever Saint that will enable her. Over time, she perfected the recipe of sweet revenge. Brewed it into a sweet concoction of poison inside her. She came so close to tasting it.

Deep inside her she knew Kaz was right, _again_. Three million _kruge_... There would still be money left after her plans for Rollins. She could finally open a bakery. Or leave this life behind for Novyi Zem. Hell, she could do both. 

"Fine," Leia's reply dragged Kaz out of whatever he was thinking. "Four million."

He gripped his crow cane tighter, "I said three."

"One million from your own take." Getting Kaz Brekker to part with money was like ripping a newborn from a mother. A little immoral, considering Kaz _breathed_ money. "I believe it's what the kids call payback."

"And you love that, don't you?"

"Not as much as you," she smiled, not forgetting what he did to her.

Kaz parted his lips as if to say something else, but stopped. His reply came quicker than she expected. "Four million... Then I'll get you back in the crew?"

 _Fool, Kaz._ "Over your corpse." She climbed one step up the stairs towards him, "Once this job is done, so are we."

Something tugged inside her upon his crestfallen expression. For a second, he looked _different_. Not a betrayer, not the lieutenant of the Dregs, not Dirtyhands.

Leia remembered the day she met him. Limping with one good leg out of an alley, bloodied and bruised. Like someone really kicked him in. She recognised this look in the young Kaz.

He nodded slowly, sitting on her words. "I suppose four million makes for a decent parting gift."

She bit her lips in contempt, unsure if this was the reply she wanted.

Her eyes landed on a sleek brown structure. Standing in the dead centre at the back of the Slat, a hint of its pure ivory keys glimmering was the harpsichord they lifted off Hoede's house a few years ago.

_"How do you suggest we carry that thing?"_

_"Weren't solutions your forte? I just bring you troubles, Kaz."_

Its flawless condition stunned her. She didn't catch herself nodding when Kaz asked to include another term.

He didn't hesitate, "You'll have to forgive me."

Her attention snapped back. Kaz exhaled heavily and she almost missed his shoulders slouching further. "Forgiveness can't change the past, but it could very well change the future." He nodded slowly, as if to plan his words carefully. "Back in the harbour, you didn't take your chance. All that's left is forgiveness, Leia."

Leia could think of a thousand steps between hatred and forgiveness, starting with a giant pit of fire. But she chuckled humourlessly, "My forgiveness–" She tossed the ache out of her chest, it can go to hell for all she cared. "Is worth four million?"

"Leia–"

Leia stomped up the stairs, only sparing a final glance when she reached the curve of the second floor, "Maybe you are used to demanding things, _Dirtyhands_ , but not this. Earn this, Brekker."

Her exit was made known as the only candle snuffed out. Nothing remained except for the creaky stairs and unsettling darkness. Her mind was _begging_ for a strand of light while her breathing hitched. The only comfort she took in this darkness was knowing Kaz realised how much he truly messed up.

"You broke our promise," he called after her. His usual gravel rasp switched for a higher pitch, it almost felt _desperate_.

Leia stood right outside her old room. First the harpsichord, now her room. What was Kaz doing, keeping remnants of her in perfect condition?

Was he waiting for her to come home?

"You're the one who said honour didn't exist between thieves," Leia hesitated, unsure if she should utter the next sentence, it was venomous. But one look into her old room reminded her of everything she lost, "Ketterdam has ruined you, Brekker. Turned you into someone like Rollins."

This time, Kaz didn't try to stop her again.

* * *

Her room in the Slat remained exactly the way it was. Only an orange hourglass was missing from her bed stand, though she had a sneaking suspicion that a certain Suli spy stole it.

 _"Fascinating,"_ Inej used to say, _"Staring at it makes time slow down."_

This room wasn't much. But it was home. Still, maybe this room outgrew her. Because when Leia finally curled in this bed, it felt too soft.

Staring at the ceiling, she caught herself remembering how Kaz transformed this place from nothing to something. The only bit of credit she took was her suggestion to steal the harpsichord—preaching about how music was good for the soul.

_"In summary, yes, you are quite the troublemaker. But I enjoy solving problems."_

_"Are you sure you don't want to apply for that consulting job we just walked past?"_

_"Why don't you put the money where your mouth is and lift this damn harpsichord?"_

Downstairs, she heard someone's hasty fingers close the cover of the harpsichord, messily hitting a few low notes that unsettled her heart. 

When did surviving become vengeance? Her heart couldn't afford the answer.

Leia only felt the soft gulls of wind through her window opening. Nothing else. Not even a hint of a combustible element in the air for the Inferni to know if someone was working through the night again. It annoyed her. In fact, it gnawed at her so much that she sat up with a begrudged heave.

 _Why did you say that?_ One side of her brain hated for her for letting the poison in her heart stain everything. But before regret could embed itself in her skin, another side came to the rescue, _he deserved it. A Grisha in prison? He knew what they'll do to you. Let's not forget who he betrayed you for._

Instead of an apology, the first thing he _wanted_ from her was a job. Was he incapable of remorse?

 _Are you?_ Leia bit back an infuriated scream.

Exasperated, she bolted down the creaky stairs and out of the Slat, sparing the harpsichord one more glance. The war in her head made her unwillingly forgo a coat—exposing her to the cold midnight. Though the blood in her body could run warm with a simple swipe of her hands, the Inferni didn't feel like she deserved the comfort of warmth just yet.

It was sometime after midnight, and although Kaz lit up most of the streets around the Slat, Leia just had to find herself near the pleasure houses—which embodied the darkness for its discretion. Down here, darkness was loved; representing fun and sensuality. But to Leia, it meant all the same. She wouldn't fool herself to try to mask a lion for a house cat. 

Goosebumps lined her skin almost immediately. It was tingling to the beat of her pounding heart, but it ran deeper down her skin to bite in her flesh. The phantom pain in her bones made another return. She used to be unbelievably scared by the dark, shaking pathetically like the reed in a harmonica. Now she learned to suppress it. 

Her brain was still busy painting images of Kaz's face. It was hard to catch him off guard, but if she closed her eyes, she could picture a slight strain in between his eyebrows and the tilted curve of his lips that he'd always wear. Angry, smug, or in the _rare_ occasion of contentment, the curve in his lips wouldn't falter. He wore it like a trophy. 

_Ketterdam has ruined you, Kaz._ Would those words relinquish his trophy? Suddenly, Leia felt like she didn't even deserve the company of light anymore. 

Then another shudder rolled over her body. And Leia _knew_. It wasn't the cold. It was _who_. Someone was tailing her.

Leia didn't share Inej's gifts for blending into the shadows, but she had Selma's guidance. _Don't be a fool, darkness yearns for light—_ she once wrote. _Just listen._

Instead of walking down where The Menagerie would be, she turned a sharp left and quietly slammed her body along a wall, waiting.

 _Listen for the break in between dusk and dawn. The sea would crash louder, the birds will chirp. This is the foreshadowing of light._ So she listened for the footsteps, pattering with more weight. Anxious. They thought they lost her.

_Good. Fret gives way for mistakes._

She laid in wait. When she felt the person right about to turn into her corner, she charged out with a fist aimed for the assailant's face. The man backtracked with a groan but quickly recovered to pull out a revolver. Nonetheless, her fist swung with another punch to the pressure point on his bicep, and the gun dropped with a clatter.

"My fucking arm!" The man cursed. She froze at the familiarity of his voice. When Leia properly looked at his face, it was him.

Pekka Rollins.

A million thoughts raced inside her. Could she play it off with her new face? A tourist? With a Shu accent, she planned. Then she stopped planning.

The Dime Lion Leader was risking a war being in Dregs territory, why?

 _He knows._ And his smug face told her as much.

How? Her cover–

"Dear Leia... Your cover was flawless. Nobody wouldn't have connected the dots." But he did. This must be a joke. Leia thought she'd have more time.

There was a stutter when she forced her arms in a forward arc. Two flames danced on each side. No way would Rollins leave her alive or not imprisoned. Her grand plan to crumble him was shot to dust now that he figured she was still alive.

_I'm sorry, Kaz. I have to do this again._

"I'm not here for you." _He's lying_. Her flames still hovered on her palms, as if she'd be a fool to trust him. "You escaped Hellgate. If anything, I am impressed."

"This sounds awfully like a job offer."

The sight of Pekka Rollins smiling was surely haunting. "You catch on quick. Nobody has ever left Hellgate sane, or alive. I've definitely underestimated you," he leaned against a wall, twirling a toothpick in his mouth.

"Read my lips, I will _never_ work for you," she said. As a warning, her fire crackled louder. "How did you know?"

Rollins spat out the toothpick, looking amused, "Geiszlerg! He was maimed by the lions beyond recognition, and I thought it was nothing but his fate. Then I came back into town to hear Brekker was nowhere to be found. What are the odds that my spy is dead, my _sweet girl_ is burned into ashes, and that canal rat she used to run along with was missing?" 

Geiszlerg wanted payback from Kaz Brekker, so he worked with Pekka Rollins as his spy? Great. 

"I got sloppy," she said, staring directly at Rollins, "Won't happen again."

"Saints, Bennett. I already told you I'm not here for you." Rollins rolled his shoulders disinterestedly, massaging his numb bicep. 

What game was he playing? If she was him, she'd long be dead. A woman so hungry for his retribution, what good was she to him alive? Rollins visited her plenty of times in Hellgate. Over time, his curiosity became mockery.

"Still singing the same song? Doing this won't bring your parents back," he'd said.

Of course it wouldn't. She buried them deep under—kissed the soil she dug herself. The fatigue of digging beyond six feet into the Earth would never leave her body. As far as she was concerned, the love she had for a lifetime stayed buried. Hatred was all that was left. _Every last one_ , she chanted as she shoved endless scoops of soil.

Today, her reply was still the same. "It'd bring you to them."

"I already paid in blood," his face twisted in a snarl, his calm composure shot to the winds.

"You didn't shed any."

"When blood mixes together, you can't tell who's bleeding and who's not." Her eyes narrowed. That didn't even make sense. "I thought Hellgate would help break you out of Brekker's mould. Don't mind me saying: he is bad influence."

"Look around, only one of us is responsible for conning people of their livelihood."

"Just trying to climb the ladder of wealth," he stretched his arms out as if to appease.

"By stepping on the backs of the poor? Done like a true merchling."

"I am flattered to be on par with those businessmen."

"The difference is thin," she could barely hear Kaz's approval.

Rollins chuckled darkly. "I didn't come for banter, Bennett. Brekker has a big score coming ahead. So I came here for leverage."

Did Van Eck go to the Dime Lions too? Her jaw clenched tighter, "And you think I'd provide you some?"

"You _are_ my leverage, Bennett."

Leia huffed at his nonsense. An _otkazat'sya_ against her? She flicked her fingers forward, sending flames hovering right beside his temples. But Rollins seemed confident even in his insanity, hanging an insidious grin in the hue of her flames.

"The only way you'll get out of this is if one of us dies. And before you think about killing me, there are men waiting for my safe return. They have specific instructions to send a _very_ specific letter to Ravka _and_ Fjerda."

Her body stilled. Her world now tilted on its own axis, delivering a rush of dizziness. And her only display of power was now rendered into wisps of black smoke.

She mustered all the confidence, "What are you talking about?"

Rollins was thrilled at the break in her demeanour, speaking about the supposed terror in her eyes that she was too drowned out to hear. "Tomorrow, you have two choices: betray the man who betrayed you first, or sacrifice yourself." He all but spat in her face, "For a heartless woman, this should be easy."

When Pekka Rollins stretched out a hand, she was surprised to learn her body still had room to push past the shock for disgust. This was the ultimatum, she had nowhere to run.

"The deal is the deal."

 _What did you do, Leia?_ She thought Selma would have rolled in her grave. _You made a deal with the devil._

 _I did. But it was on your behalf_ , Leia answered.


	6. The Pride Before The Fall

Leia took years to mourn her family. Afraid that the day would come when she would forget how Selma sounded, her father's warm hugs or the benevolent smile in her mother's eyes. Eventually, her fears came true.

So she clung onto physical relics. But even then, no such luck. Her mother, father and her escaped Ravka without baggage, and the pendant that held their only family portrait was tossed in fear of somebody recognising them. Being a horrible baker and a dangerous woodworker, she clearly didn't impart their skills too.

In truth, the memoirs of her family were empty. All that remained was a daughter lingering in one of the most godforsaken parts of the world.

The Barrel was every bit as wretched as it was, but one corner past the West Stave held this bakery she frequented. Somehow, they managed to nail a recipe that she couldn't.

And if it wasn't for Kaz, she would have successfully begged for a job here. The poor baker was about to break when Kaz stumbled into the shop, all bravado even for a young boy back then. It was the week after she passed by his beaten up self in the alley. Somehow, she felt obligated to ask if he was okay.

The rest was history.

Looking back, what didn't Kaz ruin for her? Perhaps she was just a fool to look past his devious charms and those soulless eyes. Then again, he looked past hers too.

Carefully, Leia peeled the layers off her pastry roll. A wave of buttery goodness hit her, thoroughly welcomed. Everyone knew she treated her pastries like how Kaz would handle a gold coin—smell and make loving eyes at it.

This was all she thought about in Hellgate—the memoirs of the Bennetts. She dreamt of the Central Fountain at the university district. It reminded her of the one back home in Ravka, and before she was arrested, she'd often sit there in solitude at night. _Never_ in daylight.

Rumours were the young Nikolai Lanstov once studied there. And if he had made friends there, Leia wouldn't know. And she wouldn't risk it.

No fountain, fine. At least if she closed her eyes, this bread smelled like it was baked by her mother. Maybe people were staring because she was making doe eyes at a butter bread, or maybe because Leia Bennett supposedly rose from the dead.

Leia got Elias to undo his work. What was the point? Rollins already knew. He bested her, _again_. Story of her damn life. She surprised the Tailor in Kooperom during breakfast.

"I'm in trouble," Leia said in Ravkan, a dead language around Kerch.

"And I thought you didn't know Ravkan," he stabbed his eggs with a growing grin.

An hour before sunrise, Leia headed down the East Stave for the Emerald Palace. It was one street away from the harbour. A small group had gathered there. From the brief flash of their tattoos, she knew it was the Black Tips and the Razorgulls.

There was no guarantee Rollins wouldn't turn on her—maybe she should have weighed the pros and cons when making a deal with the devil. But if today was her day to die, at least she was well-fed.

Oomen, The Black Tips' second in command greeted with a disbelieved scoff as she came into view. Murmurs sprung up from the others about what the hell she was doing here. _Yeah, my sentiments exactly,_ she eyed them warily.

"The Jester!" Oomen hollowed, tipping his hat dramatically, "Back from the dead. Believe me when I say this is your most entertaining act, ever!"

She ignored their gushings and insincere compliments. They put vultures to shame. "Where's Rollins?"

"Not here. He's busy."

"Busier than this?" Her guard was up.

Oomen smirked, "We place a lot of trust in the Jester."

"I'll believe it in writing. Are we still going forth with the plan?"

"Yes. Bomb their ship and use your fire magic to send them our way. We'll take care of them, or you can pick them off."

"The deal is to _not_ kill them," Leia warned, sizing up Oomen. "You do well to remember that. Anyone who gets trigger happy, your families will burn before you blink. And if you think I won't do it, ask Pekka."

The sweet smell of genuine fear made her smile. Leia left them to climb the gabled rooftops that lined the harbour. It was still liberating being this high up, although one misstep would turn her brains into mush.

She spotted the _Ferolind._ A few seconds later, Inej walked down the streets of the Lid—a tourist hotspot. It was like staring down a game of chess from where she sat, all the knights and pawns in position.

Leia had to play this right.

The hooligans disbanded when it was time. Oomen looked up to her and mouthed, "Don't fail Pekka."

 _Idiot_.

She reached for the silver timepiece inside her pocket. Eight and a half bells, and a quick sweep across the _Ferolind_ told her Kaz was late. _Where are you? Just show up and get blown up. I can't think of anything easier, Kaz._

Soon as she said that, Kaz appeared like a Genie in a bottle. Stiffening a laugh at his bulky wool coat that looked like it itched, she waited. Inej was jogging down the pavement... Ten seconds.

Nine _._

Eight _._

_Stand closer to the damn ship, Kaz. Your pretty brains need to be juice._

Six _._

Five _. Did I say "pretty?" Maybe I should blow myself up._

Four _._

Leia raised her right hand, staring at the side of the _Ferolind_ where she stuck the explosives. She didn't need to squint to know it was there—she felt the elements dancing dangerously in the air. It was drumming against the natural air particles, close enough to collide. All she needed to do was let it go free.

Three _._

Two _._

So she did.

The _Ferolind_ exploded into a shower of flames. Its tremors were so big that it jerked unruly sea waves onto shore.

That was her signal. The Black Tips and Razorgulls began their hellfire, pinning down Jesper and a guy Leia didn't recognise. Nina and Matthias hid behind vulnerable crates. Even Kaz switched his handy cane for a trusty revolver. Inej disappeared, but Leia would be worried if she didn't.

From here, Leia had a perfect view of all the Crows. Kaz was easy prey when he ran in the opposite direction. He easily swerved through the gangs, dropping bodies as he ran.

Kaz was slippery, but not enough.

Her fingers clammed together quickly and she called to the Small Sciences. _Like calls to like._ When Kaz fired from his gun, she used the spark to hone a sizeable fire and it engulfed the man's body.

From here, Leia saw his figure thrashing about. She stopped before his screams attracted attention, and with a resounding _bang!_ , the man dropped dead.

In all that distance, Kaz looked up to her and nodded slightly. "Yeah, you're welcome," she mumbled under her breath before doing the same for the people that her Crows couldn't handle.

She'd never betray her own crew, as horrible of a person she was—nothing in the world would make her discard her honour.

Leia managed to thin out almost half the Black Tips and Razorgulls before someone yelled "Fire!" The remaining gang members simultaneously looked upwards to the rooftops where she was.

They know she betrayed them.

One silver lining was that while they were distracted, more of them got bullets in the brains for that. _Thank you, Jesper._ Most of them scattered to blind spots where her vantage point couldn't see. Leia almost laughed, knowing they'd run into Inej. Death by the Wraith's hands was colder.

Leia had to find Oomen before he could double back to warn Pekka and ruin her plans. Her eyes combed every inch of the harbour, but no such luck. Now, she hovered dangerously against the edge of the rooftop in hopes of finding Oomen in some blind spot.

Then, the air punched out of her lungs as her feet _slipped._ In her own distraction to find Oomen, she stepped on a puddle of morning dew. Friction was a thing of the past as she slid unforgivingly down the slanted roof.

_My god. For my stupidity, I do deserve to die._

The fall was at least ten storeys high. No rising from the grave, no intolerable prisons. It'd be painless. This was it—the end she had always yearned for.

 _Have you made your peace?_ She could hear her mother ask.

Of course not. But did she have a choice?

The morning breeze hit her face just as a streak of the sunrise blinded her. Was dying in the sun a legacy for the Bennett sisters? Leia never got to ask her: _Did the sun strip the darkness in your heart, sister?_

Selma died on the battlefield. But never crowned as a warrior, only the enemy. The same would happen to Leia today.

When she finally tipped over the roof, Leia felt the brief drop of her stomach. It'd be a long but quick way down. She closed her eyes, riding the winds.

Then it happened all too fast–she was roughly tugged in another direction. One moment she was falling, the next, she was laying against the ground with a bleeding head.

Leia hurried to catch her breaths, ailing the pounding heart that was going to jump out at any given moment.

"Death will be too kind for you, Bennett!" Oomen crackled. She glanced around, finding herself back inside the building. By luck, Oomen grabbed her when she fell and pulled her back inside.

Luck. A man like him could make company with luck?

"There's no gratitude in your eyes for someone who saved your life," his tone was borderline mocking.

"Whatever for?" she said, body bent over to pant between words. "There is no mercy in yours."

He was here to kill her, by order of Pekka Rollins. Leia anticipated and prepared for this move of his, but falling off a roof definitely smashed her plans in.

"Beautiful and smart," he smirked. Leia had no time to recover from her near-death episode. Oomen moved fast, and a kick to her stomach made her flop on her stomach in pain—he'd already crack her newly-adjusted ribs. Leia groaned, shaky palms propped high enough to aim for his face.

Oomen towered over her, a revolver resting snugly on her forehead.

With blood framing her face, Leia smiled. "Do you think I'm afraid to die?"

"To quote you, the deal is to not kill them." Now she got wise, but before she could summon, Oomen slapped a pair of metallic cuffs on her wrists. "Pekka told me this will be handy. Now you can't summon, _Jester_."

He released a small laugh, until Leia forged a weak ember in her palms. She wouldn't pretend how taxing commanding that tiny flame was, already breaking into a sweat. Oomen's rough boots stomped down her hands, twisting it painfully into the ground. "We needed a powerful Grisha like you. But you're dumb to think Pekka would work with you after you murdered his family."

Tired. Leia was so tired of fighting. Every treacherous cell in her was begging to give up. The gash on her forehead dripped down her eyelashes, contaminating her vision. Leia dreaded getting her ribs fixed again.

She felt Oomen flipping her on her back. Something silver in his hands glinted at her.

Leia saw it, then she felt it. _In her gut._

She choked, coughed, when Oomen mercilessly yanked the knife out. Blood came pouring out in waves too fast for her to even put pressure on it.

Leia expected her energy to flow away too. Yet, a burst of it granted her enough power to exude a flame powerful enough that engulfed Oomen's shirt. While he screamed bloody murder, Leia, with whatever energy left, clutched her bloody stomach and made a run for the exit.

Stairs, endless flights of it. _Of course._

"A true fighter till the end!" Oomen's voice boomed from one floor above. "I'd pay to see if your perseverance will trump your blood loss, but I already know how this wager will go!"

Leia grunted, frantically grasping onto whatever she could to make steps after steps down the stairs. Each step one felt worse than the next. Her clarity zoned in and out, merging the steps together. And with all the justice in the world, one misstep guaranteed a sprained ankle and a merry way down.

Perhaps some Saint decided she was worthy, for her fall broke near the entrance of the building. Dead ahead was the _Ferolind's_ dock.

A lacerated head, sprained ankle, chained hands and the hole in her gut, what were the odds she'd make it? 

"Kaz-" Her words were stuck in her throat like a caged canary. She heard the Crows shouting for her.

Leia, the Jester, or whoever's identity she wore had always shielded her from death. She escaped Ravka, Rollins, Hellgate, and every heartbreak in between that drained her humanity. Now, she drew strength from the Jester, who always had another card up her sleeves, _always._

When the Jester didn't answer, she pleaded to the Fire Bender. She stayed silent too, fire in her veins cold as ice. And ruthlessly provided only two bloodied and chained hands for her to prowl to the dock. It was a short path, but the road never seemed longer.

Then and there, she tried calling Leia Bennett. The ever dauntless lady who had death bent to her will, as rumours whispered and experiences dictated. She survived so many fires, wagered her life through unwinnable odds. Yet Leia had never been dealt with this many losing streaks.

Drawing a breath was unforgivingly painful. Her stomach– _everywhere_ throbbed. Leia forced her right hand to reach as far as it could, then pushed her bloodied palm off the floor—leaving trails of scarlet red fingerprints. Next, her left hand. Thendragged her lower body across the dock. This repeated until she was halfway through the harbour. All her vision allowed at this point was blur figures. She could make out shapes rushing into the _Ferolind._

God, did she wanted to stop. But spending childhood with a wild sister who hunted each other for fun made for excellent muscle memory. Leia was conniving, even as a child. So the older Bennett wielded Leia's fear of the dark to even the field.

Nobody would foresee Selma's affinity for the dark.

_Sister, the darkness... Do you still wield it in your heart like a fool?_

"You tell me, Leia," Selma's voice was clear as day, like she'd been right beside her.

Leia turned her head, only finding her own dead body right beside her. Leia's hair was wild with the wind, a cascade of beautiful obsidian that framed her cheeks, body sprawled gracefully with her back against the ground. Her head tilted heavenward. She liked how peaceful she looked in death.

Too peaceful. And it was precisely what attracted one of the Crows to her direction.

Leia couldn't tell who it was, just that they were freaking over her dead body. She grabbed their ankles.

"There's two– ...I got you!" Their words slurred. Leia fought the waves of languish that rolled over her. Soon it'd drown her.

All she thought in that moment was that Kaz came through. He didn't let her down.

 _Let go of the dark clouds in your heart,_ Selma pleaded. _Let it go before it's too late. I learnt the hard way, didn't I?_

"Kaz..." Every word exerted all the energy inside her, her body felt lighter. When she opened her mouth, she could taste salt in the air. One last blink told her they were moving towards the schooner.

_Let it go._

"I'm sorry... Kaz."

Then her world went black.


	7. Exit Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (tw: mentions of suicide & self-harm)

Kaz couldn't breathe. In fact, he wasn't sure he could move. All he thought about was the weight of Inej's body and how her blood seeped into the confines of his gloves.

The Bastard of the Barrel wanted to faint. So when Matthias came barging in the lower decks yelling for Nina, Kaz considered throwing the giant Fjerdan over the boat right then. It'd be easy with Matthias' back to him. Yes, strategies, that was what he was excelled in. The intricacy of a pin lock, and how every minuscule movement must be precise. He'd calm himself down thinking about it.

The blood drained out of Nina's face upon the sight of Matthias. Whatever this was, he didn't care. He just needed to find Leia.

" _Demjin_ , you need to stay," Matthias said with too much command in his voice.

Kaz gritted his teeth, "Who cares, go be at each other's throats." He started to limp his way to the upperdecks when Matthias finally turned to face him.

And Kaz thought his blood soaked attire was horrible. Matthias was practically _dripping_ in blood holding the unconscious woman in his arms.

It took everything not to panic. _Strategies, Kaz. At least you can get moving, go tell Specht._ Still, Kaz stood planted.

Something about her serenity felt extremely wrong to Kaz. No longer could he see the eyes that bared so much retribution in them, only her blood-crusted eyelashes. His eyes travelled down to her unnaturally twisted left ankle was twisted in and her shackled wrists. He didn't catch the blood that pooled around her stomach, nor would he know what to make of it.

Matthias looked at him expectingly, and Kaz was at a loss—he cursed at himself. He couldn't handle the touch of another body. But every thought of his gravitated towards ripping Leia out from Matthias grips and into the safety of his.

 _Safe._ His inner demons wrestled. _What a joke._

Matthias finally scoffed with distaste and shouted for Jesper, who appeared with a wet cloth and a bucket in hand—and laid her on the floor. Jesper, however stunned he was, started to wipe the blood off her serene face while Matthias lifted Leia's shirt high enough to see a deep puncture wound.

"Her heartbeat is shallow... But Inej's–" Nina panicked, darting between the two injured women, each worse than the other. Kaz silently stood in the corner, unsure of everything else but the fact that he should have secured Elias for the heist too.

"Fix Inej first," Kaz rasped, his baritone raspier as he stared at Leia. He bent a knee, noticing her face effulgent with Grisha power. His gloved fingers nudged Jesper's cloth away, though the white rug that now turned scarlet-red disturbed him.

The serrated edges of her wound made him saw red. She'd been gutted like a fish. He retracted his hands, "She will make it."

Kaz was almost out of the room when he said, "But Nina, you _will_ pay if she doesn't."

"Brekker," Matthias caught up beside him. Kaz tried his hardest not to focus on his bloody shirt. "There's something Bennett wanted to say."

"She'll tell me when she wakes." Matthias didn't share his conviction. Kaz eyed the vast sea around them, finding the urge to tip Matthias overboard intensified. "Powerful _grishas_ don't die from mortal wounds."

" _Grishas_ are not Gods."

The Fjerdan dangled the handcuffs that were on Leia's wrists between them. Noticing the seasick that paled over Matthias' face, Kaz thought maybe the giant man would jump overboard himself. _Good, then he'll stop talking._ The handcuffs laid heavy in his hands and heavier on his chest. A nagging part of him asked what was the difference between this and the one she wore every day in Hellgate.

_That was protection, this is murder._

_Keep lying._ He'd hear her voice say.

Matthias hauled Oomen to the railings. One man caused this, and he had the audacity to bask in the glory. "Funerals are a bitch to plan, aren't they, Brekker?"

"Funerals?" Kaz silenced Jesper with a hand.

No, he wanted to _watch_ this. Kaz dumped the handcuffs near Oomen's feet, soaking in how his face unfolded in realisation.

"That's it," Kaz coolly said, feeling a part of the demon inside him recede, "The look I came for." When Oomen spat in his face, he swallowed his anger. "Surely you know what they say about her—always a card up her sleeves."

"Impossible. I saw Bennett outside the warehouse!" Oomen laughed keep his cool, until something clicked in his head. The handcuffs—the body outside the warehouse was not cuffed.

Kaz would know, he was the one who put her there. Tailored to every aspect of Leia's face by Elias. That was why he was late.

Oomen carried a smugness that taunted the frayed ropes of Kaz's restrain. "Still, I struck her real good. Body switch or not, she couldn't have survived. You owe me, Brekker."

Kaz's gloved fingers flexed to keep the demon inside, "Do I?"

Oomen smirked, "Geels wanted her as his _Grisha_ pet. I saved her."

That did it. Kaz finally snapped the pathetic thread that once held his self-constraint and damned it to hell. He didn't know when he unsheathed his oyster knife and dug out one of Oomen's eyeballs, but when he blinked, it was already done. Kaz dangled the bloody root of Oomen's eyeball mockingly, apparently the act was atrocious to anyone who wasn't him.

"As my Jester would say, honour among thieves. Your allegiance no longer lies with Geels." Between the snots and tears, Oomen managed a surprised look.

"And she _hates_ honourless men." Kaz whipped out a jagged little blade from his hip and swiftly gutted Oomen. He bent over in pain and rested his chin on Kaz's shoulder, drawing quick, pained sobs. Kaz resisted the claws of disgust that came with this contact.

Before he tipped Oomen into the sea, he whispered low enough for only them to hear. "Do well to remember this in your next life: I will _never_ let Leia Bennett be chained to anyone."

Not even to Kaz.

* * *

"We'll be safe here. No one will know who we are." That was the exact words her father said on the day they arrived in Ketterdam.

"I promise to protect you," her father said. "We won't lose you too."

Three hours later, Leia fell sick. Fever, delusion then aphasia, _Grishas_ weren't supposed to be sick—they _couldn't._ The young child was seizing in her father's arms as they ran down Little Ravka shouting for _Grisha_ healers.

"Let me see her!" A man pushed through the crowd, he appeared the same age as Leia's father. Though his raven hair and absence of wrinkles or eyebags presented unnatural youth for a man his age. "Whenever did this happen?"

"After we left... Ravka," Leia's mother kept to a whisper. She kept a ferocious grip on her youngest daughter when the unknown man grabbed Leia's wrist.

" _Grishas_?" His eyes widened, voice low. "Come!" he hastily shoved the nosy onlookers and helped the family into his shop. Another woman named Elise appeared. She raced the young girl's heart to wake her.

Leia didn't get better.

Four days later, her mother fell sick. Similar symptoms, but worse. Medical care in Ketterdam was a rip off. Money never used to be a problem, but Ravka wasn't their sanctuary anymore. When rain arrived during their first night in that run-down boarding house, Leia shivered in her father's arms, forced to watch her mother suffer.

The next day, her father said, "I got us money."

 _How?_ Leia wanted to ask, but the young girl wouldn't understand. She brushed away her mother's sweaty hair, fed her water and stay silent. With money, they could finally go to a hospital. _We'll be okay, mother_ , Leia sang.

The next day, her father said, "I lost the money."

 _How?_ Leia desperately wished she could understand how the world worked, how could you lose your entire world just like that? But seeing her father with his head hunched in his hands, withering in the candlelight made her understand that the world was cruel. It swallowed a fierce, strong woodworker and spat out a ruggedly, weak man, all within a week. The prided Ravkan woodworker with grit and determination that would crumble warriors, was _crying_.

A powerful Ravka family tarnished by lies and sickness, now surrendered in the darkness of a tiny rental room. Gone were her lavish room, decorated in silks and golden frames that she loved. Never in a million years would the young girl imagine she had to die in a room like this and a bed that barely held her weight, much less three people.

Seven days. That was how long it took for Ketterdam to kill her. When her father fed her the wine, she didn't resist, nor did she cry. Leia understood enough when her parents kneeled in front of her and hugged her so tight she couldn't breathe. When their tears came, hot and endless, Leia knew it was for her too, for they had the same look in their eyes when news about Selma first came—like all the light was sucked out of their souls.

In the brilliant sunlight, the remaining Bennetts laid on that bed. Leia remembered the warmth of the sun, watching the yellow inferno graze her skin. It glowed too warm to be golden, but too bright to be bronze. Soon, Leia's eyelids grew heavier, each hand kept in the safety of her parents'. "I promised to protect you," her mother and father took turns to kiss her head. "Oh, my darling Leia. We love you so much."

"Can we see Selma again?" Leia allowed some of her well-hidden fear to break through.

"We will meet again. Close your eyes, sweetheart. We'll be here when you wake."

Then, she woke.

"Leia!"

_Mother?_

Leia wasn't sure if it was her luck or misfortune that it was just Nina, who waved repeatedly in her face. The corner of Leia's eyes were wet. She jolted up when she felt the water currents moving underneath her. She was on the ship.

"You're awake! I... I thought I couldn't– I..." Nina wasted no time to hug her, tears wetting her back. If Leia stripped her senses away, she could imagine her mother's face as her tears fell onto their non-responding faces.

But it wasn't, it was just Nina. Leia couldn't help but prolonged the hug.

She was safe, _alive_. Why was she alive? She missed her family so much.

She tried to disregard the phantom feeling of the grainy soil that haunted her as her fingers clutched Nina's back. The soil that Leia covered her parents' bodies in... part of her yearned to be under it.

Nina recognised her distant look, "You are meant to be here, Leia. We need you here, _I_ need you here." She swiped the rare tears that rolled down her friend's eyes.

Leia nodded slowly. "I am meant to be here," she repeated routinely to Nina, who gently collided their foreheads together. She closed her eyes upon Nina rubbing her cheeks.

Nina told her four days had passed. She was the later to wake. "You missed Inej and my singing!"

"Thank Saints I slept through that," Leia stretched her aching muscles. "What was my inventory?"

"The usual: broken ribs, bruised face, sprained ankle, hole in the gut..." She saw Nina's eyes travel down to her left wrist. "...Bruised wrists."

 _Oh._ Leia daringly raised her left wrist, looking at the thin line of healed flesh across it. That was a thing of the past, a reminder, perhaps. Only Nina, Kaz and Elias knew of its existence. She never coward away from the mentions of it, nor was she embarrassed by it. This wasn't a weakness.

This was how strong Leia Bennett was. 

"Thank you, Nin. For everything."

Nina took her hands, smiling genuinely, "I love you too. Now, don't you dare move, I'll go get Kaz," Nina glowered at Kaz's name, but Leia was quick to stop her.

"Kaz didn't visit," It was more of a statement than a question. Nina shook her head almost sadly. "It's fine," Leia exhaled loudly to check if her ribs still hurt—but it didn't. Nina was better at being a Healer now. "He'll only talk my ears off about how someone got the better of me. I'd prefer some peace."

"He was worried about you... Kaz. I could see it."

"Of course. I make him the most money."

Nina crossed her arms disapprovingly, "Must you hold everyone at arms length?"

 _Yes, I only burn the people I love._ "And further," Leia put up a sly smile.

"You're horrible, Leia Bennett," Nina shook her head.

When Leia took the first gasps, it didn't felt too much like the land of the living. The sun had long disappeared and the mouldy grey bedsheet around her had turned black. _Dear girl, I think you drew the poison out of your body_ , Elias whispered in the aftermath. In the end, Elias never figured out why her mother and her were sick, but theorised it had to do with them leaving Ravka. Perhaps it only affects _Grishas_ , he said, which explained why her father was fine.

"It's the Darkling," the younger Leia said back then. "He cursed us."

"Nonsense, child. The Darkling's dead."

Leia should have been purified by the sun when she died, but no light resided in her heart.

"He burned at the pyre for a day before they came for us," she spat, an arising edge in her mannerisms that worried Elias. " _Plenty_ can happen in a day."

What did a fourteen year old know about surviving in Ketterdam? _Nothing_. But Elias knew how. He told her how Pekka Rollins scammed her father—pretending to be a man he wasn't. Orphaned, the siblings took her under their wing. That was before her ambitions grew.

 _Brekker is bad news, he will turn you dark._ Even Elias' disapproval didn't stop her from refusing Kaz's offer to join the Dregs. The truth was, Leia Bennett wouldn't stop until she was rich.

Rich enough to get her revenge. _Strong_ _enough_ to make Pekka Rollins share the soil under her fingertips.

 _Every last one_ , Leia recited through the chilly night to keep her teeth from chattering. Her vision blurred as her tears fell into the graves, splashing against their bodies. Leia forced herself to toss another scoop of soil, then another. She cried when her mother's dark hair slowly disappeared, when all that was left of her father's kindness was an unmarked plot of fresh graves.

When she cast the last bit of soil onto her parents' grave, it devoured every last bit of humanity out of the young girl. Hatred was all she had left.

Leia promised herself that this sorrow would one day be joined by equal parts of strength.

Things changed when Pekka Rollins purchased the plot of land that laid her parents. Even in death, her parents wouldn't find peace. So the very same night, Leia left behind an unsuspecting Kaz for the Wandering Isle, tracked down every Rollins she could, and made Pekka Rollins suffer all the same.

Leia felt the light come back to her as she commanded fires that ate houses after houses. Her last stop was supposedly Pekka Rollins' country house, but Kaz had other plans. Then the light left her forever when she was thrown into Hellgate.

"I am," she echoed after Nina, "After everything I did, I am." Suddenly, the atmosphere had thickened. The slaughters of Wandering Isle should have come to mind, but it wasn't what bothered her. "I hate him for things he should hate me equally much for—but he doesn't. I _am_ horrible."

Kaz and her had a plan to bring Rollins down, six years, planned to every last detail. By the time they reached twenty years old, they'd start a new chapter of their lives free of the ghosts of their past. But because of her, the darkness of their past would be mirrored in the future.

And the Rollins blood Leia shed would forever be an unwanted armour in her arsenal.

Nina dropped her head on Leia's shoulder, "Maybe. Or maybe it isn't you, but your anger."

The Inferni shut her eyes, seeing the scenes of the massacre. Fire, so much fire and destruction. All for one man.

"I have all this... anger inside me. I don't know where else to put it."

Nina cautiously reached out and cupped her jaw, "Maybe you don't have to put it away. Maybe... You can let it go."

_"Let it go, Leia."_

"I can't!" Leia shouted when she felt the familiar anger poison her heart again. Selma's voice ceased, and Nina jumped from the unexpected shout. Leia mumbled an apology before darting upstairs to the railings.

 _You're a hypocrite, sister_ , Leia raged inwardly, _it was you who turned Ravka on us._

The rough sea waves carried her vengeful thoughts away, but the monster of retribution still pranced inside her. Without it, Leia wasn't sure who she was. If she let it go, every awful thing she ever did to survive would be for nothing. She'd be a monster without reason.

Leia allowed the gray expanse of the sea to calm her, hearing the stupid flag flap against the wind. In a few days, all her hard work would actualise. She'd be rich enough to best Rollins. And this time, Kaz would be by her side.

_I will right my wrongs, Kaz. I promise._

She sighed and faced the blanket of black waters. Closing her eyes, she raised a finger, feeling the tendrils of water bent to her will. Her eyes reopened to find a streak of water mirroring the direction of her fingers.

It was black in the absence of light—almost like she was summoning darkness. The disgusting idea of it made her slam her palms together. The water vapourised and screaming winds swept it in her directions. Her heart sank when she itched to do it again.

The mist was refreshing, stripped all the bad thoughts out of her wicked self. Maybe this was why Selma fell in love with it. Was the darkness the saviour for her pain?

Was _he_?

Then, an unexpected clang of metal upon ground earned her undivided attention. The water she wielded crashed back into the sea, causing a large wave that tilted the boat. Leia heard Specht—the captain, shriek at the rough tilt.

Leia swivelled around to find Matthias behind her—completely shell-shocked. The burly Fjerdan was secured in chains.

So she wasn't alone in the upper decks. Great.

Matthias' eyes glinted dangerously in the dark, posture straightened. No longer did he slouch like the aftermath of a Hellgate prisoner, but disciplined like a soldier.

A Fjerdan soldier. Trained to hunt her.

"I knew it. You're Valentine, the Maiden of Myth."


	8. The Valentines

The journey to Fjerda was unnecessarily long. Being surrounded by so much water was suffocating. Or maybe it was just Matthias' company. Leia made a conscious effort to avoid him as much as she could, but the schooner was only that big.

"Maiden of Myth?" Jesper mumbled beside her. His fingers looped around the triggers of his prized revolvers, twirling it around recklessly. Anxiety radiated off him, never one to keep his emotions at bay.

His room was closest to the upper deck. So he heard the altercations before anyone—especially Kaz, could. He arrived in time to see Matthias dominating the brawl, his large hands choked around Leia's neck. Matthias' eyes burned brighter than any light they'd seen.

In all his grogginess, Jesper knocked the Fjerdan with the butt of his revolver, sending him to sleep. When Nina shrieked at the bruise on Matthias' head, they kept quiet.

When light came, Jesper found her on the edge of the ship. Leaning on the damp ledge, head in the sea breeze, she felt his question before he asked. "Were you ever going to tell us... tell me?"

"No," Leia replied with all honesty. "Because it isn't who I am."

Jesper was furiously shaking his legs now, exasperated. "There's about a million things that could go wrong in the Ice Court! You really think we didn't need to know that we are _serving_ you to the Fjerdans on a silver platter?"

"Gold is more my colour," she flatly stated, but Jesper sent her a look daring her to try him. "The Maiden of Myth _will not_ be at the Ice Court," Leia rubbed her face distressingly, detesting the ridiculous moniker. "We'll fake my identity, tailor my face."

"Nina is a subpar Tailor, _at best_ ," Jesper said. "If anyone recognises you–"

"I fled Ravka when I was just a kid," the words were pricked with more poison than she intended. "No one believes I am alive. Why do you think they only whisper my name?"

"The Bride of Darkness killed Alina Starkov, they'll remember."

Leia sunk her teeth down her lips. She raised an elegant finger and streaks of water followed suit. Her secret as an Inferni and Tidemaker was out, and as exhausting as it felt, she was more grateful than she thought.

 _"So Ravka wants your head and Fjerda wants your powers?"_ Inej had said early that morning at breakfast, shooting daggers at Kaz.

 _"Who do you think is turning the Ice Court into a puddle?"_ Kaz crossed his arm. Leia caught him zeroing in on the bruised ring around her neck before she pulled her coat tighter. There was a brief alarm in his eyes before Wylan had interrupted with something that earned a slap on his head.

"Melting the Ice Court? Is that the plan?" Jesper sighed, now tapping the metal railings to destress.

"It can be," she said sharply.

The memoirs of her family were tarnished as it was. Would her friends see her in a different light now that the truth was out?

Jesper gestured Leia to open her palms. His calloused hands—so used to handling so much gunfire and destruction, was unusually gentle in her touch. In fact, the small trembles of Jesper's hand was mildly visible before he snatched it away.

In her palms held two obsidian rings. A gasp and involuntary large smile graced her lips, holding her flints up to the bright blue sky to examine. The scratches were replaced with a glossy black coat. Leia passed a confused expression, these rings looked new.

"I fixed them after you... died." A distant look in his eyes tightened her chest. "When Kaz– I didn't believe you were..." Jesper closed his eyes shortly, as if this took him right back. "A plan gone array, he said, that you two misjudged the situation. Nina and I spent two days arguing with him, truthfully I didn't know what we were fighting about. Your body was right there! But somehow, I _knew_ it wasn't you."

"Jes..."

He stopped her again. "It wasn't until Kaz showed us these rings that I stopped. Nina too."

Leia slipped them up on her two ring fingers, and the cool metal against her skin unlocked some serenity she didn't even know was missing.

"I'm so sorry," Leia slipped her hand into one of Jesper's fidgety hands. She kept her sight on the endless horizon, "It's just... There are so many versions of the truth. I didn't want you to see me for something I'm not."

"Why didn't you try to explain?"

"Lies travel faster than the truth," she said. People who wage hatred had no reason for the sane _._ Everyone shed some blood during the Ravkan civil war, how would they let her escape that?

"Which version did you hear?" Leia asked.

Jesper looked embarrassed. "Where I was raised, we forbade the talks of _Grisha_ , but there were whispers that the Bride of–" Jesper cleared his throat at his slip-up, "–the eldest Valentine killed the Sun Saint during the civil war. And that the Valentines possess... _gifts_."

Leia laughed grimly. With a simple curl of fingers, she effortlessly called to the water. It rushed to where they sat, and with a quick flick, the liquid morphed into an ice sculpture of the Grand Palace in Ravka.

There it was, a fortress hollowed with ice cold evils. Was it meant to keep people in or out? "Then you know the story."

Jesper's amazement at the sculpture failed to trump his hesitation, his eyes burned with curiosity. _Was it true, then?_

"Yes and no," her shoulders tensed. "Bennett was my mother's maiden name. You must have heard about her, she was the only _Grisha_ to master all three orders: Corporalki, Etherealki and Materialki." Leia didn't have to look to know Jesper's reaction, "When the impossible happens, fear masquerades as faith. They worshipped her."

" _Blagoslovennyy_ ," Jesper nodded. "We called you _zowa_."

"Yes, _zowa, blagoslovennyy._ The blessed. What people didn't know was, the... gifts–" the word tasted sour in her mouth, "–of the hybrids dilute with every heir. Selma could only master the order of Ethereakli and being a Heartrender. And I, only an Inferni and a Tidemaker."

_"Dear girl, I think you drew the poison out of your body."_

It was the worst day to discover the coming of a gift. Her mother who provided her with this blessing lay dead beside her. If only Leia was faster, she could have saved them.

"A hybrid Etherealki with Heartrender capabilities was the deadliest of soldiers. So Selma became one of _his_ favourite _Grishas_." Her hands gripped tighter, remembering all the letters Selma would write about the Darkling. How extraordinary he was, how he'd restore Ravka.

The ship was only that big. As much as everybody else pretended they weren't eavesdropping, it was painfully obvious. Loitering around the deck with a pile of documents in hand, Kaz didn't even look like he was trying. Wylan was worse, meeting her gaze every few seconds with an expression that exclaimed anxiety.

"After the civil war, the Valentine bloodline was hated in Ravka and loved in Fjerda. People finally saw fear for what it is: just, fear. After the Darkling and Selma Valentine, they associated power with danger. They wanted revenge, and naturally, my mother and I were next in line." Leia stifled a grim laugh while watching Matthias' face, "Fjerda worshipped Alina Starkov too. But was more tantalized with buffing their ranks."

Jesper stayed silent with all the knowledge. There was one thing he was still dying to know.

"The short answer is yes, Selma Valentine killed Alina Starkov." It pained Leia to even utter those atrocious words. She spotted Nina's body freeze.

"Is that the truth?" Jesper finally whispered.

"The truth has no part in this. There's one thing you should know, Jesper Fahey. _A weak king is no king._ The people decided my fate, not the Lantsov king. He is weak without the faithful and the Apparat knows that. They'd throw the monarchy out the first chance they get... So if the Apparat said a Valentine killed Alina Starkov, then _the Valentines_ killed Alina Starkov _."_

* * *

Specht yelled earlier that they were almost there, after tonight perhaps. Leia wondered exactly how could he know? Time was a non existent concept while at sea. Everywhere looked the same, only the falling of the sun gave her hints what time it was.

Now, the sun was finally starting to dim. The ocean waves were growing colder, forcing most of her friends to retreat back inside. Jesper left her side to drive Wylan back inside, saying how he could see the temptation in Wylan's eyes to hug Leia. When she questioned why Jesper was looking at Wylan in the first place, he went in demanding Wylan to hug her.

As expected, Jesper never returned. Leia's extended her legs out, letting her arms hug the railings while her feet skimmed the surface of the water.

Soon it was dinner time, and Nina came out screaming her name. Her ears were hot from Nina's scolding. _"LEIA BENNETT! Does sitting in the cold seem like my idea of taking it easy?"_ A master manipulator, Leia forced Nina to discard her shoes and join her. Then Nina said, _"Ten minutes."_

A faint voice sounded. "Flicker minded as always."

Ah, Matthias was there too, but Leia just pretended not to notice him. She realised it irked him more for certain reasons. Nina, who started to hum loudly, definitely shared her cunning mind.

"Gifts..." Leia scoffed, reminded of the conversation with Jesper earlier, "That's one way to put it."

Nina asked her how else she would label it. Instead of trying to suppress the anger, Leia did what she knew best—weaponise it. Her fingers flexed to form a perfect ice sculpture again, this time, of the Ice Court. She'd never been, but the one Wylan and Matthias drew seemed pretty accurate.

The angry patriot was throwing glares at her, a snarl ever present. Then, with a turn of her wrists, fire invaded the glorious sculpture and melted the kingdom down.

"A target on my back."

Nina asked melting if the Ice Court was truly the plan. Leia would be excited, even if she didn't know what Kaz's plans were.

Nina stopped whistling, "Kaz usually tells you everything."

"We broke out of Hellgate, I came back from the dead–" Leia paused for good measure, "–twice. Now we're robbing the Ice Court and possibly serving me up on a gold platter and you, at a pyre. It's an unusual day, Nina. Hell, it's an unusual _life_."

"Leia, honey," If anything, Nina appreciated her mouthing off. "There is always time."

When Leia looked at Nina, she saw Kaz and Inej past her shoulder. The two were talking in isolation, and in even among the mist, Kaz's face was still clearer than anything else. She watched with curious eyes, noticing Kaz's hardened features visibly turned softer with every second Inej spoke.

"I'm afraid it's too late this time," she ignored the pinch in her chest when she flaunted her well-practiced smile. She knew the distance between Kaz and her grew. Leia had revenge to keep her company in Hellgate, she supposed it was only right Kaz found a replacement too.

So why didn't it feel right?

Leia suspected Nina picked up on the crack in her smile, because right then, her eyes dropped momentarily to Matthias before she said, "We did what we thought was the best, even if it was wrong. We can't change the choices we made, but all we can do is not let it ruin us into damnation."

"What if he never forgives me?" Leia guessed from how Nina's smile stuttered, that the same thought haunted her just as much.

Still, Nina put on her dazzling smile. It was enough to make Leia's heart soar. Being in the presence of Nina Zenik's smile was like having your own personal sun. Some part of light returned to Leia just watching Nina's lips curl upwards, though Nina's darling green eyes shone with something else that clearly wasn't light.

"Then you have to learn to forgive yourself."

"Sounds lonely."

"Incredibly," Nina squeezed their hands together tightly. 


	9. A Heart Colder than The Ice Age

"So you lived in the Ice Age, Helvar," Leia scoffed in disbelief at the pure-white blanket of hell they were about to trudge through. She never thought snow could be _that_ blinding. "It all makes sense... Your attitude, that is. Not so much your intellect."

Matthias looked like he wanted to strangle her, again.

Jesper gave her an easing pat, his teeth already chattering. "I speak for all of us that we'd really appreciate if you try as hard as we have, to keep you alive."

When she turned around to assess her crew, how desperate they looked for warmth was hysterical. Nina's brown hair was the only thing that indicated an actual person was under that pillow of winter gear. Wylan's complexion was to enough to rival the snow while Jesper, standing beside him, mumbled about slapping some colour back into his skin.

Finally, they left the schooner behind for some shores. Jesper should have been elated, since this was all he talked about.

"I loathe this." He rubbed his red nose, sniffling dramatically, "Every part of this."

Inej, ever so adaptive, merely stuffed her hands in her pocket for sanctuary. Leia raised a brow at Kaz's painful limps, but he only increased his pace as a response.

_Stupid, stubborn boy._

Matthias was the only other one unfazed by the cold. Everything about him seemed elevated—the glow on his face, straightened posture. _Welcome home, warrior._ A fleeting thought wondered how she'd feel if she somehow returned to Ravka.

"Am I wrong?" Another unforgiving breeze came by, making them shiver. "Helvar looks like the kind who'd brave a _manly_ dip in the ice for a bath, and then die from hypothermia."

For some reason, when Nina and Matthias' eyes met, they quickly averted away. Wylan managed to nod, "When she's right, she's–"

Inej and Jesper nudged the Van Eck heir with a little too much force, "Dear Wylan," Jesper started, "Stop encouraging our Leia. Besides, I heard talking too much makes your temperature drop faster. You're pretty, but not even the white snow complements your skin when we bury you."

Leia exchanged a knowing grin with Inej as some colours appeared on Wylan's face. It seemed that their friend was interested in gambling with something else.

Matthias set at a ruthless pace that Leia never bothered to keep up with. She staggered back as the lone sheep in the group—resenting how easily their temperature situation would be fixed with a snap of her fingers. But Kaz said, "We are _not_ risking it."

See, he was partially the reason for her foul mood. It must have been hours since they started trekking in silence, deciding to conserve their energies instead of bickering. Since thinking didn't consume much, Leia drifted in her thoughts. Specifically, thinking about murdering Kaz. He barely acknowledged her existence while on the ship—and it was only _that_ big. Leia didn't know she had suddenly turned invisible.

Leia trailed behind the group, and it wasn't long before her eyes strayed to Kaz... and Inej.

She forced herself to look away when that bubble of irritation brewed again. But... Inej's gracefulness made it impossible. With how easily Inej blended in, Leia could believe Inej had the world wrapped around her hands. Even when the snow built increasingly taller and their boots sunk deeper, her movements were still light and quick. The white snow only enhanced Inej's presence, yet faded her into their obscurity—if that made sense.

 _Senseless rambling, you maniac, same with that– what is that feeling?_ All Leia knew was _that_ feeling was unwarranted. A bittiness that shouldn't exist. Inej was one her longest friends, with a soul and heart kinder that could rival Saints. Leia _worshipped_ her, as did Kaz.

 _Unlike you,_ the voice in her head grumbled. _Ruthless, spiteful monster._

"Trudge any harder and the ice under your feet would surely break," a voice startled her.

Speak of the devil. He wore a forsaken smirk that Leia wanted nothing more than to burn it out of him. "In any condition to melt the Ice Court?"

Staring at the ice under Kaz's feet, "Shall I try it now?"

"I'll take that as a yes?" Kaz pressed on.

"Yes."

"Any fainting tendencies?"

She rolled her eyes, stomping harder. "No."

"Are–"

When Leia abruptly stopped, Kaz did too. Saints, his face would look good buried in all that snow. "Brekker, did you specifically come over just to hear my enunciations of yes and no?"

"Surely I didn't come over to walk into your grand plans to murder me," Kaz arched an arrogant eyebrow while dusting away some snow on his shoulders, "Your plotting face has been on display since Nina patched you up. Only the wiser know to stay away from you."

_Good choice. I would have tipped you over the ship._

"I assume you couldn't care less," she was honest, good. And it blindsided Kaz too—a crack on his arrogant face before recomposure. His gloved hand stayed on his cane. Momentarily, she was jealous of the warmth his gloves must bring.

"Lack of sugar?" Kaz questioned her grumpiness. It was a known fact for every time Leia escaped a life-threatening situation, she'd treat herself to a sugar bread at her beloved bakery... with Kaz's money. Speaking of which, she stretched a hand, waiting.

No objections, Kaz dropped a few coins in her palm. Like she guessed, his gloves did bring warmth. Leia stuffed the coins into her pockets, cold, clammy hands tightly gripping on the silver of warmth it emitted.

"I must admit, for a second I was sure you would betray me."

 _Really?_ She scoffed, lifting her head to see her crew only inches ahead. _You want to do this now?_ Her glare was surely colder than the damn snow.

Still, Kaz continued. "I could see the appeal." He was referring to the harbour. "My question is, why not?"

Their gaze met. Kaz's dark eyes were piercing in comparison to the contrasting snow. Leia pulled her winter jacket tighter, feeling colder. "I didn't _want_ to."

"Because of your honour?"

"Yes," her throat felt dry. "Contrary to your belief, the honour between thieves is sacred."

Kaz paused for a second. "Is that all?"

 _No._ "Yes."

Kaz held an expression that even Leia couldn't dissect, tightening the rope around her heart. "Still the same old Leia then."

This feeling was weird. Like an invisible door had closed between them. Leia finally faced him, noticing his pale face was almost glowing in all the snow. " _Kaz_ , if I was the same Leia, I'd push you off the same cliff I jumped off."

 _Kaz,_ she had called him. Leia could physically _see_ something in his eyes change. What coldness it held, yet there were times it felt cordial. _Warm_. She'd witnessed it several times and it never lost the effect to reel her in.

Did he still remember? The harpsichord, the endless heists, their rituals? It was all she ever thought about in Hellgate.

One shaky breath later, her willpower severed the hold Kaz's unreadable eyes had on her. The coldness returned while she tossed an invisible key far, far away. Kaz's eyes continued to burn, but she didn't dare look. He was like a raging storm: dauntless, volatile and unnerving. The Tidemaker inside her hated the unruly nature of storms, she could never really master her control over them. So, like all her practises to master them, she quit.

Hide from the storm and burned whatever moisture she could out of the air.

Once Kaz was finally out of earshot, Jesper leaned over to whisper, "That is the nicest thing I've ever hear you say."

* * *

"Hring... _krrr_ alle?" Leia tried.

Nina grimaced, "Butchered it." Inej stifled a laugh as she poked at Leia's pout. The Heartrender was giving free lessons on speaking Fjerdan. "Fjerdan is like gulls, all swoops and dives."

_More like the sound of gull faeces raining from the skies._

Matthias stopped dead in his tracks, making her think she actually said it aloud. "Stop!" He halted the upcoming path with his large arms. "You don't want to–"

Oh, but Leia smelled it. Saints, she _felt_ it. The charred combustion, the saltiness in the air that could only be described as tears.

Three burnt bodies tied to pyres, left out to dry like pieces of meat. Her heart stilled when embers in their skin burned brighter when heavier wind blew. It was _vile_ , disgusting, unholy, take your pick.

Fjerdans preferred the word: _justice_.

Matthias stumbled to make sense of the situation, "The pyres have been illegal since–"

" _Don't_ you dare. Tell me the last time someone was prosecuted for putting a _Grisha_ to the flames..." Nina seethed in equal fury and distraught.

The putrid smell of burning flesh was something they never wanted to smell again. Knees sank into the snow, Leia rested her hand on the bodies–

"Leia, no–" Kaz urged. But the embers has crackled with a final protest right before it snuffed. She was about to spew something vulgar.

A croak echoed. "Saints, one of them is alive!" Jesper yelled.

On their knees, the two _Grishas_ burrowed through the snow to reach the rightmost body. Leia forced herself to swallow down the surge acidic wave. Burned beyond recognition– _Is that... the eye socket?_

With begging eyes, Nina held onto her arm like her life depended on it, "Leia _.._." _Please kill her in mercy_ ,was what she meant. Everything was on autopilot when she compiled.

Nobody noticed when a lone tear splashed into the snow as Leia pulled out the knife stuck in her boots. Wylan sucked in a loud breath, which reminded her how breathing worked again. The knife in her grip trembled more when the person tilted up to meet her ever so slightly. She froze at the horrid sound of dry, crumbling flesh as they nodded.

Just like that, they reached an understanding.

"Good luck," Ravkan words tumbled out as Leia offered as her last consolation, "Goodbye." She shut her eyes and the knife started– A thunder must have stuck beside them, Nina yelped and firmly grabbed Leia's hands.

Everybody snapped towards Jesper, who holstered his revolver quietly. Their eyes travelled to the two bullet holes in the skulls. Leia sunk back into the snow, couldn't care less that Kaz went on a rant about how Jesper exposed their presence. She wanted to bark at his freezing heart, but didn't trust the strength in her voice. Nina did all the work for them by screaming at Matthias.

"... _Grishas_ are given a fair trial," Matthias had the audacity to speak before the charred bodies.

"A _fair_ trial?" Leia spat with a mirthless laugh. With a swing of her hand, her soaked track pants dried instantly. Damn Kaz's rules to hell. "Wolves in sheep's clothing... that's what you Fjerdans are. The _worst_ kind of scums." Matthias stood a head taller than her, but fury fed her hungry veins. "And that's coming from _me_."

The tip of her knife settled against his heart, "Would we see just how fair those trials are, Matthias? When the walls of your Ice Court has melted? Or will the _righteous_ , _fair_ building of yours drown your sorry self beyond redemption?"

* * *

The night before they would storm the Ice Court, Wylan confessed. It came out of nowhere, unwarranted. And it was the worst thing Leia ever heard.

"I eat my bread by the layers," he said meekly, "Even have an order for them: the meat first, bread, vegetable and cheese– together."

"Horrifying," Kaz said monotonously.

"Truly... gruesome." Nina yawned.

Jesper howled with laughter and Inej snickered, absentmindedly chucking something in their bonfire. Spring had hinted its presence yesterday, blessing the Crows some heat. They were three miles outside a small town, huddling near in a small makeshift tent. Leia grinned, "Wylan Van Eck, the rotting core of Ketterdam, Saints forbid somebody cross paths with you."

"Laugh all you want, at least I'll die in peace." Wylan sent weak daggers in Jesper's directions. Then he mumbled, "Better start confessing now."

Opposite her, Kaz stretched his bad leg, "We are criminals, merchling. Dawn will break before we finish our lists."

" _Lists_?" Matthias commented.

"Hm, I'll start. Brekker broke into sweet Mariam's quarters."

A round of gasps circulated. Mariam was perhaps the purest person stuck in Ketterdam. Wrinkled benevolent eyes that held so much soul in them. For her delicious bakery alone, Leia would forever hold her in gratitude.

Kaz only shrugged, "She had what I wanted. It was a business transaction."

He dodged the handful of soil Nina threw his way, "You scoundrel, she was sick that week! Closing her bakery took a week's worth of _kruge_ from her wallet. What did you steal!"

"Flour and eggs." Kaz caught Leia's gaze, maybe he was plotting her murder.

Matthias clicked his tongue, "Stealing _flour and eggs_ from an old lady, your wickedness knows no bounds."

Leia said, "One thing we can agree on, Helvar." A devious smirk grew as she nodded to Kaz, "Tell them why, Brekker."

For seconds, there was nothing but soft wind and crackling bonfire– _and_ Nina's chewing. The deadly Kaz Brekker clearly contemplated his next words, tapping noisily on the log of wood Inej and him sat on. Finally, he said–

"I baked."

"You– I... Pardon–" Wylan closed his eyes, exhaled a shaky breath. The others, biting their lips to stop the quivers from escaping, was definitely _not_ helping Wylan's neutral facade. "Excuse me. _You_ baked?"

Kaz's eyes darkened as he assessed his laughing crew. "A honey cake."

Immediately, Jesper shot up. "Are you kidding me! _You_ baked that cake? I had cholera for days!"

Realising what Leia had actually done, his dark eyebrows shot up uncharacteristically high. They dreaded at the reminder of Jesper vomiting and shivering in bed for days. It was so bad that he had choked the washroom in the Slat. All because he greedily took a big chunk of Kaz's _signature_ honey cake.

Soon enough, the laughters died down and everybody had succumbed to their drooping eyelids. Tomorrow was the day they'd march into the Ice Court.

Inej and Nina were sleeping in the tent while the boys slept on uncomfortable logs. Leia offered to take watch, and when Wylan protested with a sleepy yawn, she lied about nerves.

The real reason? She couldn't stand the feeling of her back against the soil in pure darkness. Too suffocating, like she was six feet under. Like the fate she should have lived.

 _I may just get my wish... Leia Valentine at the Ice Court. I've never seen somebody more stupid than I am._ She questioned her sanity throughout this trip. Never in her life would she thought she'd willingly serve herself on a platter.

 _The Maiden of Myth will_ _not be at the Ice Court_ , she had told Jesper.

It was partially true. Yet, what she didn't tell Jesper, or anyone was... If she was caught, _Leia Valentine would end her life._

It was what her parents would have wanted.

It was what Elias and Elsie would want.

It was what Ravka needed.

It was what Selma would have done, if she had the chance.

Itwas what she owed Kaz. For betraying him, for _breaking_ him. She owed him this much.

 _Kaz is different_ , the Crows said _. Dirtyhands is an understatement. On edge. Taking more risks._

If she hadn't chase after Rollins... She shook her head. What was the saying he always recited? That they gambled with their lives every day?

So gamble away.

_You promise?_

"I promise," she had to say it out loud. It echoed a short distance. Now she couldn't take it back. The trees and whatever lurking in those woods had heard it. It was an exchange signed in blood, pray the universe would bless their heist with goodwill.

Leia tucked her knees against the log Kaz slept on. When she was sure he was asleep, she forced a flame to dance on her finger.

"That's one more _kruge_ you owe me." Leia _jumped_ , thoughts about tomorrow drifting away. Kaz wasn't asleep, and if she had looked closer to see the still visible strain between his eyebrows, she'd know. Then his eyes fluttered open without warning, "Make it two. I said no magic."

" _Grisha_ powers are not magic," she groaned, but obeyed his command. "Are you extorting me, or is there a reason why I owe you the additional _kruge_?

"The honey cake." He ran a hand through his black hair when her head tilted in confusion, "I didn't break into Mariam's quarters."

"Good for you, because I think it's impossible for your heart to turn even blacker."

"It was for you." It was so soft, she swore she imagined him saying that. Until he cleared his throat and this time louder, "Three _kruge,_ I've decided. Time is money and you wasted mine—that's two _kruge_ , and one for using your powers."

Her jaw had positively dropped by now. Kaz did not bake _her_ that cake, he was–

Kaz propped a hand behind his head, staring at the starless sky, "I'll have you know, it was not poisonous. Karma must have been too impatient for Jesper."

"It was me," in all her astonishment, Leia accidentally confessed, suddenly a pitch higher. "I didn't know you... Look, I thought it was– How should I know it was for me?"

"It was on the harpsichord. _Clearly_ for you."

"That doesn't mean anything, I don't play the harpsichord," Leia deadpanned. "Next time, sketch my damn name."

"Don't expect a next time," Kaz suddenly spat, shutting his eyes. She kept quiet, irritated at his capricious moods. After a while, he asked, "Why did you poison Jesper?"

Lei sighed, secretly eyeing that leather gloves of his, "Jesper was on a losing streak. We know how gambling dens work, suck you in, spit you out." She paused, "He also stole my sugar bread."

Kaz had laughed then. A throaty, genuine laugh that nobody but them could hear. It was a lovely sound that tore through the cold night. Leia never quite realised how much she missed extracting reactions from the deadly king.

She wanted to stay mad at his erratic mood swing, but this made her smile. Though the absence of light ensured it remained a secret from Kaz. "Goodnight, _Kaz_."

"See you tomorrow, Leia," was his final words.

This time, Leia listened until his steady breath kicked in. She scooted over silently, watching his crease fade away.

Was it possible for a devil to look this much like an angel? She was sure those winged creatures would protest at the blasphemy that was Kaz Brekker. His face was tranquil, not a hint of strained eyebrows or scowl on his lips.

He made her desire peace.

 _Make your peace_ , her mother had told her. Nonsense, after everything, Leia knew peace had long abandoned her.

Yet, under this starless sky, Leia only harped onto one thought that entire night.

_Are you ready for peace, Leia?_


	10. A Prey and A Predator

There, their first test—the forefront guardhouse. In true Fjerdan pride, the grand white arch of the guardhouse had two stone statues of white wolves by each side. One iron gate, it was all that separated the Fjerdan commoners and the Ice Court. _And_ their way out. 

After the tavern and its suspicious food yesterday, Nina and Wylan had formed some sort of alliance, harnessed by their refined taste buds. Though they said refined, Kaz said picky. Still, Kaz had no interest in an unwinnable battle. Now, they nursed in the warm air of a bustling bakery, accompanied by hot coffee, butter rolls and cookies while Nina was out doing what she did best, being distracting.

Inej shifted on her chair, already looking better after her recent scrap of death. "Never thought I'll be thinking of the Slat."

Kaz scoffed, "Trust me, Inej, they're thinking of us too. Old man should be turning the Slat upside down by now, if not today, then tomorrow." His words didn't sound much like a disagreement to Inej's. Kaz missed Ketterdam too, being out of the throne unsettled him.

Leia sipped her hot coffee gratefully. "That reminds me, how is my room still standing? Surely that old man loves money too much to be sentimental." 

Across the table, Wylan shot a quick glance at Kaz, and Jesper said what he didn't dare to say. "How awfully familiar." Wylan thoughtfully sipped his cup. 

"We're not monsters, some of us have reserving bits of sentiment," the other money face jumped to his own defence, arching a brow. "Just enough as leverage."

Inej had almost laughed right then. She met Leia's gaze, "Per Haskell wanted to lease, even Kaz couldn't stop him. But we twisted his weak arm."

Jesper butted in, "More like he twisted ours. Did you see the way his eyes shone while taking our money? Like he's not doing that every day?" 

_T_ _hey never forgot about_ _me_. Leia's vision blurred, and she prayed they didn't see her glossy eyes. "Thank you. That place is as much of a home as it could ever be."

A chain reaction started, echoing homesickness. Though nobody more so than Matthias. His initial excitement Matthias had dimmed, if not completely snuffed out.

"This must be hard for you. To be here but not really homed," Inej said quietly.

"You have no idea," Matthias' response was lightning quick. On edge, perhaps. So was Leia. The thought of Matthias' betraying them shadowed her mind since they left the schooner. Matthias' dark circles were almost as haunting as his glacier cold eyes. It was full of longing, how he gazed upon the Ice Court. 

Kaz's proposition of freedom was luring to any sane man shackled in chains. But she'd be a fool not to consider what kind of man Matthias was: somebody who could turn his back on the same country that sheltered him.

Looking across the table, the Crows' company wasn't pleasant too. Thieves and murderers, but amidst all the bloodshed, at least none of them were liars.

"Going somewhere?" Inej asked, quick to push another buttered roll under her nose. _Stay,_ her expression said, _you are up to no good._

"Outside, to keep my blood up. Unless I can kill Kaz for sport?" Leia grinned as humoured scoffs sounded from the table. Hopefully they saw past the slight stagger when she stood up, or how tightly she gripped on the table that fueled her strength. A week passed without using her power was tortuous. Worse than Matthias' silent stares that only made her feel like a prey.

"We seriously need better coping mechanisms," Jesper mumbled. Judging from how his fingers twitched every few seconds, no doubt he was itching for a hand of cards.

"Regrettably, we need Kaz," Inej waved her off. "I would join, but somebody has to keep your food away from Nina."

"That is a noble job." 

"Don't stray far," Kaz issued dismissively, engrossed in a book of his own. "Find Nina, she's being far too inefficient."

See, Leia haven't had a moment's peace since Hellgate. So the first step out of the bakery completed vapourised Kaz's orders. The _Grisha_ snaked a right turn instead of where Nina would be. Fjerdans were a constant force of loudness and cheeriness, it would annoy her, if they didn't provide the cover she needed to blend in. Walking wherever the thong of people was, letting the human current wash her presence away. Just another face in a sea of faces, forgettable.

Soon, the walkways turned narrower and the passageways were tighter. Roughhewn stone walls were scrapping against her coat, but the passageway was still going.

It didn't take long for her to realise which part of the market she stepped into. The noisy Fjerdans were so far away. Here, the crowd disappeared, leaving only a handful of suspiciously looking people sneaking about. If there was a perfect way to describe a black market, this was it. 

Each store had rows and piles of _Grisha_ items on show, all displayed with hefty price tags. Leia swallowed her awe. It was the usual variation of Alina Starkov's bones, various _Grisha_ amplifiers and textbooks. Only two turns outside stood a Fjerdan soldier, and here she was, standing in a Ravkan black market. Greed and power never ceased to amaze.

Then, she spotted a tiny stall at the far end of the road that demanded her full attention.   
  


**"LEGACIES OF THE STARLESS SAINT"**   
  


Leia stilled. Hoped it was a figment of her imagination.

Yet the black banners spoke for itself. While the other stores hoisted proud yellow banners for the Sun Saint, this store was avoided like the plague. 

Leia mustn't, it was reckless, a hazy response ruled by emotions. Her frustrations carried her forward without any reservations. _What would Kaz say?_ , she thought her mind had pleaded. But even if it did, Kaz wasn't here to stop her, nobody was. _Someone could spot me_ , her rationality rang louder now.

A breeze blew her hair as a timely reminder.

Nina had tailored her, all traces of Leia Bennett were gone. Her dark brown hair had turned icy silver, a beautiful contrast that surprised her. Elias was right, it made her feel powerful, as she was. But to these people, Leia was no more than a Fjerdan—she had to be. 

_"All too clever Fox_." She remembered the clever man from Selma's letters. Leia worshipped how manipulative he was, always having the world wrapped around his fingers. So she channelled the clever Fox's abilities, unbraided her tailored silver hair and let the wind rustle through it.

 _You're a Fjerdan._ Her steps demanded confidence. _Act like it._

Coming face to face with the Darkling's store, a sour taste weaselled its way into her mouth. _Starless Saint_ , they had called him. Did they think the Darkling was in the business of answering prayers? A quick glance up the skies reassured her it hadn't collapsed, though it should, with what she was looking at.

The store was arranged more like an altar of worship. Dead centre of the store sat a portrait of the Darkling, meticulously framed with expensive gold. A pale man with tendrils of darkness swirling around his palms. She'd never seen his face, but as if she needed any indication who the man in the painting was. All her strength wasn't enough to look away from his quartz grey. How could she?

This was the man who took everything from her.

The Darkling's sharp features reined her in, but it was the coldness in his eyes that held her captive. Leia jolted when she blinked, thinking for a second that rain had fallen, only to wipe the single track mark frozen on her face. Goosebumps rose on her arms, and she blamed it on the Fjerda cold. Leia's finger lurched forward, letting it drag along the portrait. Only wishing fire would ignite under the path she traced. 

Keeping her heart steady, she searched for something to say. Why couldn't she remember? She spent so long cursing his name. And the first thing that popped into her head was, "You lost, Morozova."

Right then, a pale, ghastly white face popped from behind the stall. Leia noticed his black hair.

His black _kefta_.

Ice shot up her veins. Paralysed.

_He couldn't._

Black was his colour. It belonged to him.

_He died._

Eternity measured in seconds as the black _kefta_ glided with a turn. The Fjerdan temperature dropped under the _blagoslovennyy's_ command, wide eyed.

Here she was, facing one of her worst demons, but her strength treacherously left to reveal the empty shell of a young girl. For a single, short moment, Leia was afraid. _A little girl, again_.

"How dare you speak of his great name!"

A round face paired with muddy brown eyes flared at her. The pulsing in her heart slowed. _Nothing_ like the Darkling. "He shall only be referred to as the Darkling. Or, the Starless Saint. Anything otherwise would be blasphemy."

If this was a jeering attempt at the Darkling's appearance, the man succeeded indefinitely. He scratched at his neck every few seconds, the black _kefta_ was as cheap as it looked. She unclenched her fingers, forcing steady exhales. Not too relieved, hopefully. "Blasphemy is to wear his black _kefta_."

Her statement seemed to have riled him up. "As the leader of the Cult of the Starless Saint, I reserve the right to safeguard my Saint's belongings–"

Her disbelief came out shaky. Still recovering from her almost heart attack. "From I'm standing, you seem to be profiting from his belongings."

He bowed to the Darkling's portrait, eerie silky movements that raised another wave of goosebumps on her skin. She kept her fire close to her skin, ready. "Call it what you want. My Saint is all-forgiving. The cause needs money, and he is much understanding. As will Yuri." He cleared his throat, suddenly reminded of her presence. A newfound hope smothered his gloominess. "Missus, would you kindly help our budding cause?"

A cult, that explained it. People truly loved power, and the Darkling was all that. Death only tightened his hold on people.

"Insanity," Leia kept her jaw tight as Selma's name rested on the tip of her tongue. _Shackles and chains_ , her brain recalled. She looked away from a woman who was buying bulks of the Sun Saint's bones to their right, eyeing them with daggers for obvious reasons. "Pray tell, what morals did the Darkling preach? Murder and greed?"

The store owner seethed in silence, rubbing his crooked nose. She thought she might break it and set it right for free. Then, his shoulders relaxed and an unnatural smile stretched. " _Selflessness_. The Darkling loved Ravka, so much so that he gave his life in exchange."

Was she hearing this right? "Bold statement," Leia nonchalantly flipped the fake journals, irritating him. "You're Fjerdan singing praise for _Grishas_ and Ravka."

"And you're a Fjerdan patronising a _Grisha_ market," he shot back, without much bite. Valid argument. He pointed to the black banners that wore the Darkling's crest.

The Black Sun.

Selma's lessons about the dark revisited her at lightning speed, enough to knock her off balance. Another rush of goosebumps crawled her skin when she gripped the edge of the store, black cloth tightly wound in her fists. Without her power, Leia was weak. But this was not the time.

Her behaviour was unacceptably odd, but the devoted owner said she was overwhelmed in the Darkling's presence. He was right.

"History has twisted the intentions of the Starless Saint. Until the hunted learns how to write, history glorifies the winner." A true believer stood before her, devoted to the end of times. "The Darkling committed sins so others didn't have to–"

She fumed. "–he murdered thousands of innocents. Tore–"

"–to _save_ his people, he carried the burden, so Ravkans didn't have to. For his acts, his selflessness is worthy to enter the altars of our Saints! He died to save his people from the Bride of Darkness."

 _Red_. Leia had only seen red. The man continued talking, but he sounded oceans away. It felt like she was underwater, muffled sounds, drowning. Only it was a manifestation of her anger, her sorrow. Her fingertips tingled, and a bolt of strength returned. When loud yells were exchanged, Leia knew why. 

Ice, now melted. Water as high up to their ankles rippled. The air thickened, alarmingly still. Leia blinked.

She had used her powers in public. In _Fjerda,_ the very country that hung the price on her head.

She waited, for the frantic yells to come. Turn into realising screams. Then a burst of screams came. It was fear, not of her, but from damaged goods. Behind them, the other store owners shrieked loudly, too absorbed to minimise their losses to even notice the abnormal melting of snow.

All except the leader of the Cult. He blinked at intervals, posture stiffened. The look in his eyes mirrored Matthias'. 

A prey and a predator.

"Have we met?"

 _Oh, this was much worse._ Fire surged through her blood, and the tip of her fingers were now heated, ready.

"I don't believe so."

"How about a name?" He pressed, glancing at her with slits for eyes. Contempt hung high in the air, making Leia wish she possessed Heartrender's abilities. She could have very well exploded this delusional man's heart into nothing, instead of staying frozen with panic.

_Clever fox. What would he do?_

Leia waited. Then scowled, "Fix your gaze elsewhere, I am not of age, you gutless fool."

The man blushed red in his pale Fjerdan skin as he fumbled with his words. _Too easy, men and their ego._

Her smile fixed in place like armour—the confidence of a king.

Leia squeezed her eyes shut when the Darkling's crest invaded her vision again, already on her heels. She had to go before Kaz himself came searching for her. "History glorifies the winner not because the hunted can't write, but because he's _dead._ " Her words dripped venom, poisoning the devoted's heart, but nursed her own. Her smile never dropped. "Should you know better, you wouldn't be preaching about a Godless Saint."

Leia hurried out of the alleyway, leaving behind a man she hoped to never see again.

A hand closed around her wrist, firm and bruising. He was way too strong and reeled her back into the bustling, _normal_ market, where Fjerdans went about their day in ignorance of another world among them. Of Gods walking among men.

His lips twisted, "Do you have a death wish?"

"You," Leia heaved a breath. The last person she expected to see, though it eased her racing heart. "Why are you here, did something happen?"

"Everything about that was stupid," Matthias flatly stated. Unwavering gaze matching her own fiery ones. It wasn't until the melted snow that sloshed down the slanted road to wet their boots did he shift his gaze. He dragged her further away from the black market.

What she did was idiotic– suicidal, even. But it felt _right_ , a small piece of the Valentine's name was restored. And having Matthias, out of all people, rain on her parade? "What a grip, are all Fjerdans this barbaric?"

Matthias dropped her wrist with disgust. Even his whispers sounded too much like a soldier, "So you remember where we are."

"I haven't forgotten," Leia flicked her silver hair, eyeing some clumsy Fjerdan boy who dropped his oranges out of his paper bag and attracted everybody's focus on him. "The best part about a black market is that it remains a secret. Who would they tell? Fjerdan soldiers? I'm not an idiot, but even if I am, you know that I don't have to lose."

Her heart was impaled by something ice cold, and the _blagoslovennyy_ was determined to match the temperature to what she was feeling. She tucked her silver hair behind her ears, "Stay out of my business, Helvar. Our timeline is too tight to fit a funeral."

"Foolish." Matthias straightened his back. Unlike the Fjerdan soldiers near them, he had no weapons nor shield, yet he was more of a soldier than any of them. Suddenly, Leia felt conscious under his towering height.

"Five people waiting on you inside, five people who would _grief_ you. Saying you have nothing to lose is to spit on their graves."

It was the third time today she was speechless. It wasn't until a passerby rudely bumped into her shoulders did she find her words.

"A _druskelle_ coming home only to steal. A traitor to his sworn country, for letting a Valentine stand before you, living and breathing. I'm tired of unworthy men preaching morals." Matthias all but wanted to kill her, again. "Whose graves are _you_ spitting on, _Matthias_?"

"Nobody but mine." There was only absolution in his words. Then, Matthias turned and blended back into the Fjerdan crowd, leaving Leia behind.

This time, the cold bit. Not in courage or honour, only shame.

Kaz noticed the change in atmosphere, watching Leia treaded after Matthias into the shophouse. 

_Her skin is glowing._

Kaz exhaled, disappointed, maybe. He toyed with the knight between his fingers, staring intricately at the chess pieces laid out in front of him. Chess was the only other thing he ever truly wanted to learn, aside from sleight of hand. Strategies, anticipate, outplay, topple, _checkmate_. He was his biggest enemy.

Now Kaz looked at the troubles he had created. Only his king remained, but he was stuck, unable to move without comprising himself. He was left with a knight to protect his king, while the other side had a king and a rook.

Easy win, Kaz hated that.

He blinked. And the opposing rook was snatched up quickly. Kaz's eyes darted along with Leia's lightning movements—the opposing rook moved two spaces down, offering the opposing king enhanced safety. 

"Check," Leia happily bit into a sugared roll. Attack on your king, Kaz."Your move."

How Kaz had missed a worthy opponent.

* * *

Hours later, they camped near the Warden's Waystation, closer to the Ice Court this time. Kaz and Matthias watched Wylan pour some red liquid into the base of a tree trunk. Matthias recited something in his native language—a prayer, Kaz guessed.

By his calculations, the next wagon, _their_ wagon, would arrive in exactly four minutes. This fallen tree would be their distraction while he'd pick the locks, replace the prisoners and be on their merry way to prison. 

The fate of his crew rested on him. The fate of one person, in particular. Kaz wouldn't lose her to this barbaric country, he'd never hear the end of it. That, and he promised he wouldn't leave another one of his own behind again. 

Yet, a promise was not enough. Kaz should know better.

" _Should I tell you what your problem is, Leia?"_

Kaz eyed the trails of smoke following Wylan's chemical, thoughts occupied by their argument earlier. He thought they had fixed things, or at least began to. With every step forward forced two steps back. Leia wasn't surprised when Kaz knew about the black market. Maybe she had long admitted that Kaz would always find out.

_"Living in the past. The anger, the hurt, the fire. It has turned you into somebody quite distasteful, truthfully."_

In all the years Kaz had known Leia, not once did her display of power unnerve him. It was today he realised, her empty hands were much more fearsome. Kaz's wrist still burned where she had gripped earlier. A warmth so hot it ran right past his gloves. " _Coming from you?"_ Beneath it, his embedded 'R' was set ablaze with a swipe of her thumb. _Rietveld_ , a ghost of who he used to be. _"Really rich, Kaz. If I wanted advice from a hypocrite, I'll take a look in the mirror."_

_"If you have, the mirror would have told you that the hypocrite has become a monster."_

_"We're all somebody's monster, Brekker."_ There they were, back to strangers. Although they were anything but. _"_ _If I am yours, so be it. Better a monster than an arrogant God."_

That was the trick about demons. If you don’t lay them to rest, they’d haunt you forever. Revenge was the only way to unlatch their burdens, he knew that. So why did he no longer want it for her? 

An arrogant God. That kept Kaz's mind busy the entire time Wylan's chemicals sizzled up the tree. The sound of the tree falling wasn't enough to steal his focus. 

_"We both know I am your leverage if things go south."_

And Kaz thought the stung of betrayal was the worst feeling he felt. It wasn't.

 _"I promised to_ never _let you be chained again_ , _"_ he didn't know he had to convince her. 

Still, Leia never believed him.

And she was right not to.


	11. The Heart of A Storm

The day they would infiltrate the Ice Court, the start of a storm came. A rumbling, deep in Leia's bones, she felt it before it came. Every instinct urged her to hide, like she always had. Find sanctuary, like she once had.

Yet this storm was made for her. No matter how far she could hide, how safe her sanctuary was, it would always find her.

Today, Leia wished from the bottom of her heart— _I want to be stronger._

 _Black_. No silver of light shone through the thick hood over her head. Blind in the dark. Unforgiving goosebumps washed over her skin, the most natural reaction to her. Fire was supposed to be her way out of the dark, it always was. An escape path she could forge with her two hands, be her own saviour.

But now, her wrists and neck were shackled to chains. She was useless, back in Hellgate.

Genuinely, Leia couldn't breathe. She hadn't been able to ever since they stepped into this tiny box of hell.

It was a blur after Kaz unlocked the wagon. Panicked breaths rose in puffs, _click_ , went the collar around her neck _._ A fleeting hesitation crossed the Bastard of the Barrel's face when he fastened her chains in. She knew what he was thinking about: his promise. 

"I promised to never let you be chained again," Kaz had said. 

_Click_ , and another chain was locked.

Shivers crawled up both their spines when the tightened chains felt all too well like a noose.

 _Nina_ , Leia thought of her light, the bursting sear of brightness. Nina was her sun, the only hope that wouldn't grab her by the throat. How Leia yearned for the comfort she brought was excruciating. Or Jesper, her dearest friend. Her fingers flexed to find the rings he had saved, only to be reminded that it was left on the schooner.

Selma's pranks were a lifetime ago, when they were all but kids. So why didn't she grow out of her fear of the dark? The harder Leia fought to breathe, the bigger her struggle. Slowly, the reality of the wagon started to desert her. And the immortalised melody of fear continued to grow. 

The monsters had come, they were here. Paranoia birthed from the dark made it far too easy to shape monsters from nothing. Way easy to reimagine the cramped boat the Valentines' used to flee Ravka, a vessel for her ailing heart. Or the black poison exuding from her parents' corpses in that torn-down motel, the day her heart died with them. Her phantom wore many faces, and after today, it wore another—one of black hair and quartz eyes. 

Her father had once told her that death would come to all, but never somebody's legacy. It was confusing, when Leia's only responsibility was to watch her father craft wood into furniture. Now, she understood. After Ravka, the Wandering Isle, Hellgate.

 _If_ _only_ _father could see_ _me_ _now._

The prison wagon wobbled with every bump they hit. Groans sounded when the wagon slanted uphill. The Ice Court was near.

A body painfully crashed into her side when the wagon shook. Suddenly, she thought of Kaz _._ Being smashed up against so many bodies was surely driving him insane. _Where is he sitting? Why didn't you focus?_ So Leia focused, what she focused on, she wasn't sure, she just knew.

Through the darkness, through the shackles, through her pulsing heart, Leia found Kaz.

The noisy wagon zoned back to life to her ears again. Her phantom left, giving her room to breathe. Leia stretched her knee as far as she could, knocking Kaz's deadly still ones. Hoping to nothing, that for some measure, it would help him.

A tiny bump nudge against her knee—weak, easy to miss. But she didn't.

Under the hood, a smile stretched across the young Valentine's face. An arrogant God and a monster with absolutely no morals, the Ice Court was due for some reckoning.

* * *

Dare she say, breaking into the Ice Court was child's play. 

When Fjerdan guards finally shoved them out of the wagon, Leia had never been more eager to walk, even with the jabbing pins and needles in her legs. More grunts came, but her own soon followed when her hood was yanked off.

Leia sucked in a breath, staring. Speechless. Matthias had well understated the Ice Court. It was devastatingly _beautiful_. Like the serpent Elias once bought for his tailor kit. Magnificient thing, iridescent scales that reflected prisms in the light. Leia was enamoured with the serpent, to say the least.

However beautiful it was, Elias had warned her not to mess with it. In the wild, distractions were dangerous, which made beauty deadly. Of course, Leia threw his advice to the winds when he looked away. She was too busy admiring the snake when it sunk its teeth in the neck.

_Beware, my dear, who tries to befriend snakes, a predator is still a predator._

The Ice Court was no different. Standing tall among ice-capped mountains, the blue sky and white clouds, it was like she had walked right into a painting. She fought the urge to marvel at the sight. A predator is still a predator, Leia wouldn't repeat her mistake.

Was it ice, glass? Or something else that made up the fortress walls? Whatever it was, it certainly looked unbreakable. And here they were, either a bunch of extremely skilled thieves, or the dumbest ones. She nudged them upon realising armed guards lined that the courtyard roof—flattered, when Wylan scooted closer to her.

"If this isn't Fabrikator craft, then I'm the queen of wood sprites," Nina glowered in Kerch, until her cheeky comment earned her the end of a _druskelle's_ rifle. They tensed, then remembered their place. It could be hilarious, watching a bunch of gang members who were used to getting what they want, know their places.

When the guards had moved down the line, they pulled Nina to her feet and her sly grin wiped their concern. "Brilliant idea of a low profile, Nin."

"Be considerate, I am trying my best. A star like me has no idea what a low profile looks like." Nina was undoubtedly still a glorious picture of the sun, not even the shackles could break her.

"Try harder," Matthias mumbled.

"Thank you for your concern, Matthias." Nina's reply drew a small smirk from Leia. She hesitated, "In relatively... good news, I don't think we have to worry about Rollins' goons anymore."

A chain of whispered Zemini curses sounded from Jesper, each curse louder than the next. Five twisted bodies skewered against spikes, high above the courtyard. It forced onlookers to look heavenwards, like it was a message signed from Fjerda.

"That's Eroll Aerts, Rollin's best can opener," Leia squinted from the glaring sun, a soft panic eating at her heart. "No Rollins."

Stone on stone, Kaz merely said, "He'll wish he died here."

The marks on their bones, the scars in their mind. If there was any justice left on this earth, Pekka Rollins will.

Criminals or not, their beaten bodies were proof that Fjerda could do anything without repercussions. Death wasn't the message, _strength_ was. Whoever dared to cross the Fjerdan might must face their strength. 

Good, because Leia Valentine surely didn't come empty-handed. If strength was the message, what better way to humiliate them than a melted court of ice?

No chains, never again. She'd burn an escape path with her very hands.

And there wouldn't be a single crack in her smile.

* * *

The next phase of their heist came in the form of a frail human puppet. Flanked by two walls of muscles, every prisoner stretched their arms out as they passed by her, the Amplifier—the _Grisha_ Traitor. 

Kaz kept close, never out of her eyesight. He knew what he was putting her through. Thirty million _kruge_ never felt this heavy. 

The long line of prisoners shortened quicker than Leia was ready for. A hammer struck her chest with every step forward, fear growing in her belly. It was weird to see the Amplifier's small and frail frame. Difficult to imagine the horrors inflicted because of her. Then again, distractions, as the iridescent serpent taught. The comforts seeped away. But not for the Amplifier, who donned a simple robe of Fjerdan colours and tucked her grey streaks into a neat bun—a _Grisha_ in enemy territory, looking like she belonged here. 

Inej gave the briefest glance before a _druskelle_ shoved her forward, almost knocking her down—if it wasn't for the Wraith's lithe movements. Inej wasn't a _Grisha_ , but the anxiety still rose when the Amplifier cuff her hands on her.

Leia remembered blinking, and then Jesper was out of sight too. Within seconds, sweat formed on her scalp, and the cold sucked it away with a shudder. She thought Jesper was gone, arrested, but he was on the other side. _The safe side_. Before everybody's eyes, a Fabrikcator had walked right into the Ice Court.

Leia watched the Amplifier, suspicious. Something prickled in her, perhaps it was hope. She'd get her answer soon. Nina was next.

The limelight of a star, Nina didn't have any in her right now. It was peculiar seeing Nina this timid, not confident. Though how could she? Fjerdans hated Heartrenders the most, what they would do them... Leia refused the thought.

When the Amplifier's hands curled around Nina's wrist, Leia _knew_ she'd let Nina pass too. Her stuttered blinks were her tell. And Leia was right, the Amplifier waved her faster than Jesper.

There was no way an Amplifier could miss. Detecting _Grishas_ came naturally to Amplifiers, like breathing. There were no thoughts, no processes, it just was. 

"Next!" It was her turn. Kaz gave her a look.

Leia tried one testing step forward. Now close enough to notice a slit across down the guard's mouth, creepily elongating his smile, if he wore any. The cut was healed, but looked fresh. Had there been new wars that she didn't know about?

_What about another one?_

She copied the Fjerdan soldiers that flanked the Amplifier, stone-cold, head high. Her arms stretched, and at that moment, Leia _prayed_. To Sankt Juris of the Sword, a warrior, much like her. To Sankt Alina, for some light.

Cold air disarrayed Leia's tailored silver hair. She looked Fjerdan, one of them. While Kaz counted on laziness and bureaucracy, Leia counted on kinship. Perhaps they would drop their walls around her.

Cold. The Amplifier's fingers gripped Leia's wrist. Numbing cold.

A ring echoed through her body, Reverberating waves and heat raced through her veins, awfully familiar. Bolts of fire and water were rushing to reveal themselves, a feeling the _blagoslovennyy_ had known all her life. An Inferni and a Tidemaker, Leia Valentine was a walking contradiction for so long. She was used to it.

It was widely believed the remaining Valentines never made it. Both Fjerdans and Ravkans armies had searched. The Maiden of Myth, was as it was—a myth, dead. A contradiction.   
  
The temperature around them rose.

One, two, three blinks—the Amplifier's tell. The coat of pure shock suddenly painted the Amplifier much younger.

Leia was ready to break. The calm facade on her face, the power inside her—neither could break first. But the Amplifier's touch was merciless. A war waged inside the Amplifier much like Leia. With a clenched jaw, the Amplifier tightened her hold, bruising with determination, or desperation, it was getting harder to tell. Leia's eyesight was muddled.

A surge of rough winds startled them.

Startled _her_.

" _GRISHA_!" In an instant, the two guards whipped their resting bayonets. They levelled it on her throat. Nobody moved.

Leia didn't even dare blink.

Commotion burst behind them, jeers and fright. Some roared to burn her at the pyre. " _Tig!"_ A Fjerdan soldier silenced. She still didn't blink.

"Is she? A _Grisha_?" Scar-mouth asked, his stare as deadly as his bayonet.

The Amplifier dropped her arm, genuine disgust written over her face.As her lips parted, another howl collided. Stronger this time, _powerful_. Leia's heart couldn't race faster. _I am no Squaller,_ she wanted to scream at the irony.Blood trickled down her neck, and still, Leia didn't blink.

The Amplifier closed the distance between them, inches away, forcing Leia to look down upon her. The bayonet dug a little deeper, more blood trailed down her neck.

"No."

Leia blinked right then. The old woman spat, "She is not _Grisha_. A criminal? Yes." The Amplifier paused, as if she needed a moment for herself, "The worst of the worst."

Their bayonets lowered. Enough strength carried Leia's legs across to the other side. With minimal actions, Inej curled her hands into Leia's. Who was shaking, Leia couldn't tell.

A heavier gust of wind swept again.

Nina nudged, "Stop that."

"Not me, I swear."

She felt Kaz's burning gaze trained on her. He passed the inspection, of course. Exhaustion all over his face. Like he was the one who almost burned at the pyre. Something lingered in his eyes, but she never had the chance to catch it. 

_"GRISHA!"_ A symphony of hearts fell silent.

The ground beneath them vibrated. It took them a while to realise it was from stamping boots. Another sound like thunder shrieked, piercing loud. Leia's hand shook, unprepared. With thunder came a storm, Leia's storm. The storm that would come for her. And her Crows, whose expressions only shattered her. 

From every possible direction, guards and soldiers came, carrying bayonets, guns, rifles. Wolves howled. 

Nina pressed by her while Inej released her grip, freeing her hands. 

Melt the Ice Court. She questioned if she could. But the way Kaz looked at her told her she could. Her hands tingled. If they made it out alive, Ketterdam was a chain she didn't mind.

Nina could guess what she was thinking. There were at least a hundred men charging at them, easy work for a Heartrender. The rooftop guards would easily drown, and any other guards who dare charge at them would fall into a puddle of their beloved kingdom. Leia would get them back to Specht's boat, she swore. 

Leia swore on her life. If she was ever caught, she wouldn't leave this place standing, even if the cost was her life. Both of Leia's palms raised, but without so much as a shift in the air, Inej snatched back her hands.

"What–"

"Watch," she nodded calmly. Leia ignored the moisture particles in the air, itching her to fight.   
  
The Fjerdan guards whizzed past them without even looking in their direction. So someone else down the line was a _Grisha_. A Squaller, by the roars. _One_ Squaller, and here Fjerda mobilised the entire army. Cowards.

She couldn't see past the perimeter of soldiers. But the sound of whip against skin was enough. It continued for a long time. Leia thought she heard bones crack. She kept back the bile.

"This is what happens–" Their line was suddenly moving. Towards the prison, she thought. Nina translated for Inej and her with a whisper, then halted. "–to those witches. Abominations."

Their heart sank.

Leia looked back, wanting to see the Squaller. Only to unexpectedly rest her sights on the Amplifier. She was already looking.

The Amplifier's mouth moved, saying something.

Reading her lips, Leia knew deep in her heart, the Ice Court nor Fjerda was her storm. _This_ woman was. 

Leia was right, there were wars being fought that she knew nothing about.


	12. Bonus: The Crows and The Lunar Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Crows celebrate the New Year.

With every Lunar Descent marked a new year, a new beginning. There were many variations of it—in Kerch, they called it New Ages, symbolisation of a bountiful new chapter led by _Ghezen_. To Kerch's west, their Shu Han neighbour called it _Yuandan_ , a circle of a year fulfilled _._ Ravkans called it Lunar Descent, and whatever the Fjerdans called it, Leia could care less.

The Lunar Descent was the one day all nations were unified. Wars were put on hold, replaced by smiles full of knives. Every nation would send gifts as a reminder to keep the peace. Or to sway bystanders to pick a side, much like what Ravka and Fjerda had been doing since the start of their war. Having Kerch in their arsenal meant possessing an endless war chest—winning half the war.

Slowly, this tradition of gifting spread beyond the state councils. Even in Ketterdam, the only day a Dreg could openly waltz into Dime Lion territory without the handshake from a gun.

"I want to go."

"No."

Leia marched down the stairs after Kaz, hot on his heels. "Why? It's the day of the New Ages, what job can there possibly be, at _Wandering Isle_ no less? And a job that requires only _you_ , not even the crew?" Kaz's shoulders slouched just a little, in distress, she hoped. "Halt your steps, Kaz Brekker!"

Kaz dramatically stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and if not for her quick thinking, she would have knocked right into him. He swept invisible dust off his shoulders and resumed his hurried paces across the room to pour himself a glass of water.

Even in total darkness, Leia knew he was stalling. Only a small glint of light reflected off his water glass, the only indication of his pressed eyebrows and a smirk– Oh, his trophy of a smirk. It never faltered. "In this economy, no wicked rests on the holidays."

She pinched her lips together, inching to smash the cup Kaz was holding. "Can't they start?" She quietly said. 

"Concerned for my welfare? My dear, that's an insult. It's only Wandering Isle." So Kaz confessed. He was going to the Wandering Isle, it piped her interest. Leia simply _must_ follow. Kaz limped off the stairs, not a soul in sight as the day barely broke light. It was too early in the morning for crickets to be even chirping.

Some tumbles sounded as Kaz blindly felt around a table for something. He commanded her to light a nearby candle. Just as their part of the room bathed in warm candlelight, Leia saw him pocket something.

She sighed, sitting on the harpsichord's wooden chair, devising her next words carefully while mindlessly brushing off the thin layer of dust that was settled on the harpsichord's lid. There were rumours about Wandering Isle that Leia must verify.

Rumours that if true, could change the game.

"Can't have the person paying my wages to end up dead in Wandering Isle. You know I can't reach you there. Who else would bury you in _kruge_?"

"That place is full of vampires," the small dancing candle fire revealed Kaz's lifted cheekbones. His smirk now turned into a smile. "Exactly why my Jester can't come along. Shame, my corpse won't be covered in gold, but I will die in peace—with none of your wretched nagging in my ear."

Wandering Isle was hardly peaceful. For her kind, anyway. The Kaelish people would relish gutting her for some _Grisha_ blood. There was no way Kaz would bring her along.

 _I'll just have to verify the rumours in person_ , she decided. Now came her second problem: a job with no crew would take Kaz ages to return, no to mention sailing in such atrocious waves. He'd never return in time.

Not in time that mattered to her anyway.

Frustrated, her fingertips tapped impatiently on the harpsichord. Her sudden scoff sent the candle flames fluttering wildly. Kaz pocketed more ammunition, thinking how his gunpower were more predictable than Leia's capricious moods.

She felt silly for working so hard to procure gifts for the Lunar Descent. Sure, they had never celebrated it together before. But having snatched yet another one of Tante Haleen's girls to join the Dregs was cause for celebration enough. Not to mention the Wraith's abilities to shadow and spy earned them thousands of steps ahead of their enemies. Plus, the Fifth Harbour was finally taking shape.

Her gifts were ready, but Kaz was not.

Upstairs, the sound of glass shattering tore through the otherwise silent morning. Kaz never ceased to surprise her with his quick reactions. He strode halfway up the stairs before Leia jumped after him, "I– Uh, someone must have started celebrations already. Or just the wind, I left my windows open. My bad."

"Close it. I do not need another snot infested worm living here."

"Big Bolliger slept in the cold, butt naked. Almost drowned in whiskey, do not compare me to him."

Kaz limped down the stairs again, checking his silver timepiece. "I'm late. What bone are you picking with me today? Get it out of your system, and quick."

She shut her eyes, no energy to run her mouth for once. "Nothing."

His voice faded as he darted around the Slat, gathering whatever he needed. "A woman's 'nothing' is deadlier than unproofed dough."

Her stone posture cracked at his reference. "That was one time. And for the love of everything, stay away from Mariam." A moment of peaceful silence blanketed over them, until Kaz finally finished his preparations. The thumps of his cane became more hollowed with the added weight of his luggage.

Kaz was about to turn the knob on the front door. But he waited, tapping furiously on the crow head of his cane. It looked like whatever resolve inside him had fractured. With much force, he swung the front door wide open.

"Pay someone to bring my body home. Problem solved."

The moonlight briefly glowed across his face. Finally, Leia could see him properly. No surprise, his dark hair was already fixed and his attire was well-pressed. But there were no smiles, no smirks on his lips as he said that. Suddenly, Kaz's battle armour made so much sense.

Without one more word, Kaz shut the door heavily.

"Stubborn," she breathed. "Don't die," her voice rang softly in the empty room, meaning every word.  
  
If Kaz was smart, he'd know to look for gift shops in Wandering Isle _._

* * *

Engaging all her strength, Leia twisted her core, straightened her back and punched. Her remarkable strength left an indentation of her fist on the surface. Again, she clenched her fists. And again–

"What do you think you're thinking, venting on my dough?" Mariam dropped a heavy box of baking ingredients beside her loudly. The old baker crossed her arms, no benevolence in her eyes upon seeing the ruined dough, "Lose the attitude, it's the Eve of the New Ages! Last year, I didn't even have time to breathe with all these customers–"

The one person who would speak that way to Leia. If Mariam knew what the Jester represented, she sure as hell didn't care.

 _I dread to taste what disaster you can concoct at Mariam's bakery._ Well, scratch that. Two people under this sky who would speak to her that way. _Stupid, stupid Kaz Brekker. Moron, idio–_

A light slap on her cheek sent Leia back into reality. While Mariam was shorter than her, her aura was intimidating. "Are you listening to me, girl?"

Both their gazes were set on Leia's once perfectly shaped dough that was now flattened with several imprints of her fist. "Of course, Your Highness," she mumbled, quickly kneading the evidence away. "Good business yesterday? Your ingredients are running out pretty fast."

Leia was too busy reshaping her dough to realise Mariam's expression as she said, "Surprising business, actually."

It was three in the afternoon when the last batch of bread exited the fire stove. As per tradition, Leia held the final job of the day, brushing over sugar glaze for the last batch of bread. Charting plates of pastries in one hand, Mariam and her finally rested their feet for the day.

"Thank you for today, darling," Mariam sighed happily, making the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth painfully visible. Leia's heart tightened, the sweat that drenched her back was all worth it. "Eve of the New Ages always send the councilmen's aids scurrying for bread."

Between mouthfuls of piping hot sugar bread, Leia smiled, "Ah, your bakery is the one thing that connects Kerch's rich and the fishes at the bottom of the barrel. Even if Ketterdam was saturated in snow–" Mid-sentence, Leia ran back into the kitchen to fetch something she almost forgot. 

Gently, she placed a red box before Mariam. "Child–"

"Open it!"

"The wrapping is atrocious."

"Nina wrapped it."

The baker's nimble fingers quickly tore through the box. Then, nothing. Mariam did not move a muscle. Remaining fixated on the object that sat before her.

Seconds later, "A snow globe..." Mariam's voice quivered. Leia blinked away, not wanting to see if tears had formed in Mariam's eyes, though she could hear it. "It's the exact copy, Leia."

"Indeed," Leia nodded. The thread inside her was pulling, slowly, but surely.

Mariam sniffed, once. Hurriedly, she took Leia's hands into hers, a face illuminating equal joy and sadness. "I thought after– after the fire destroyed it, I would never find it again– Thank you, thank you, child!"

It was the only time the gracefulness in Mariam's actions slipped, and a hasty version of her attentively examined every inch of the globe. In this state, Mariam was a reminder of Kaz when he first held _actual_ gold bars in his hands. Compared to his single lone tear that came as fast as it went, Mariam's was falling freely. 

Leia's heart was _impossibly_ , impossibly full. "You and Elias cared for me, Mariam. When everything– My gratitude is carved deep into my bones. I'll remember it my whole life."

Mariam squeezed their hands. "Even if you only remember me for half your _Grisha_ life, I'd be content, my child." Then the cheerful, nagging old baker slipped back, "I sincerely hope you got Elias something other than trouble?"

"Unfortunately for his liver, he anonymously received crates of _kvas_. Don't tell Elsie." She wagged a playful finger before the baker slapped it away, giggling.

They chatted a while more until blood orange sun rays poured through the window slits of the bakery. While locking up the door, Mariam suddenly said, "I'm surprised the Dregs celebrate New Ages." Leia shook her head, saying nobody knew there were gifts this year. With a knowing smile, "I suppose you have a surprise coming your way too, child."

Leia rolled her eyes at the cryptic sentence. About to return to the Slat before Mariam thrust something cold into her hands. A key, to the _bakery._ Now _she_ was ready to burst into tears."No– Are you saying I'm ready?"

"Far from it, girl. Your skills are acceptable, but your heart is still miles away. This is for one day, when you're ready." Leia had to force herself not to shed tears in the middle of the street, with plenty of passersby who would spread word of the Jester's tears. This was proof that Mariam was right. That all her heart cared about was power, schemes and revenge.

 _One day._ For now, there was no room in her heart for something as pure as this. 

Leia tackled the old baker into a crushing hug. The thread inside unwound faster. If she closed her eyes, it could feel like she was holding a piece of her family, her loving Gran Vera, or her mother. How painfully Leia missed them. One day, when justice is served, when the voices in her head no longer yell _"Every last one"_ , when there was room in her heart, the scraps of the Valentines memoirs would be sewn together again, thread by thread. Starting with this bakery.

One day, she would be unburdened by the deaths that shadowed her mercilessly. Reluctantly, Leia released their hug, immediately feeling the weight take its place on her shoulders again.

Mariam tapped their enclasped hands gently, "I'm going to show Andres this snow globe. He'll be happy to know you found it."

"Ah, remember to buy his favourite flowers, lest you forget." Leia pulled some cash from her pockets. "And don't slip _kruge_ when I'm not looking, only one of us is a thief." 

"My younger self would send you running for the hills, my child." 

* * *

"That... That is an awful gift, Leia." Jesper blurted outrightly and slapped his mouth promptly, though the waves of laughter rocked through his body without an inch of subtlety. It consumed him entirely, now doubled over in laughter. "Where– _Why_? I have so many questions."

She glanced at the small basket on the table. "I stole it." For some reason, Jesper only wheezed louder. "I won't save you when you choke on your own spit, Jes."

Deep inhales, then Jesper's shoulders went tight with control. A passive look on his face, "No, _please_. I must have heard it wrongly. To clarify, this is your gift–" his lips curled against his will, "–to Kaz Brekker? Bastard of the Barrel? Dirtyhands?"

When Leia nodded with even more confidence, Jesper lost it. He bellowed so loud, yet not enough to surpass the other Dregs' yells and clinks of _kvas_ glasses. Leia sank deeper into her seat while Jesper probe at the basket's content, amused to no ends. As Nina glided into the Slat with her extra festive dressing, Jesper wasted no time pulling her over.

"Look at this, Nina. Leia's present!"

"Leia!" Nina shrieked, cutting Leia's incoming defense off. "You mustn't! It's too extravagant, my humble wish was that gorgeous sparkly red silk dress! May have cost a fortune, but still–"

Jesper passed a wide-eyed look. "Nina, this is for Kaz."

As though someone flipped a switch, Nina's fond smile dropped. "Return it," she pushed the basket to the opposite end of the table. "Take this adorable little thing back. Far far away."

"You two are overreacting. I can't think of anything more perfect. They're practically identical: cunning, plotting and scheming. I mean, _look_ at that face. It's Kaz!"

"Leia... It's a cat."

"I found it while detouring at some councilman's house, poor thing was so hungry, but still waited patiently for a bird to approach close enough for a sneak attack. What a bloody scene." Leia merrily stroke the purring black cat, feeling a wet patch of fur under its neck. Blood, maybe, but it didn't bother her. It peered around the Slat with its wandering eyes, dark as midnight. "I've genuinely outdone myself. I think it's brilliant."

Jesper and Nina tried to match her big smile, "I think you lost your mind."

"Having one and a half Kaz is plenty for my lifetime." Nina carefully cradled the cat into her arms, voice reduced to a child-like manner, "This cute little thing? It might grow talons under the rascal's care. It'll tear the Slat apart!"

Leia's parade was successfully rained on. Flooding, to be precise. "Okay, geniuses, think of a replacement."

" _Kruge_." The two said in unison. "Best if we earned it, then that heartless bastard would truly feel satisfied."

Leia slowly stood up, "I have an idea–"

"I can see the sun in your eyes," Nina muttered. "No robbing banks. Or councilmen's safes. We're down a lock cracker."

"I no longer have an idea," she plopped back down. On the table, the cat lowered its head on its paws, switching its tail left to right almost in contemplation. Her fingers casually bumped against its little nose, not understanding why this perfect creature was so unwelcomed. "Why do I bother, it's five chimes away from and his ungrateful face is nowhere to be seen."

Jesper squatted to eye level with the feline, tutting at it as it yawned. He hummed, "You tell us, Leia." 

Leia huffed, swivelling backwards only to scream at Inej's sudden appearance. It turned out the Suli girl, too, laughed in her face.

* * *

Three chimes away from New Ages, the Crows sat in a circle while Leia dished gifts like a proper councilman. That gorgeous, a fortune of a dress for Nina, a blasted bullet on a chain for Jesper—to signify that one time Leia bare-handedly pulled a bullet out of his bicep. And a knife with a fox bone handle delicately crafted by a _Grisha_ for Inej.

"Let us note that the budget was largely spent on..." All fingers automatically pointed to the Heartrender who was too busy ogling her dress to care.

"This fabric... How ravishing..."

In return, the three of them offered a velvet box. A surprise came her way indeed, as Mariam said. Had they planned for this too? She wore a similar huge grin as the box opened to reveal two sleek black metal rings.

"Knock it together," Inej instructed.

A spark formed when the metal collided. "Flints! Oh, bless your hearts, thank you!" She flexed her fingers and easily commanded a small flame on her fingertip. Now the Inferni inside could play at will, any time, anywhere.

Finally Nina tore her eyes away from her new dress, "Might as well look good while arming yourself."

Leia, Inej and Jesper exchanged knowing glances, then groaned. "Fine, try on the damn dress, we'll judge."

When it was one chime away, Leia left the group and opted for the rooftops of the Slat. 

Downstairs, the cacophony of laughter and howls continued—a mixture of glass shattering and incoherent words of blessings. A foolish tradition in Kerch to chase bad fortunes away. It was in such overwhelming reminders of family that made loneliness yell so loud. 

In Kerch, the wealthy often lit tubes of dyed gunpowder, blasting colourful sprays of bright lights across the skies. If lucky, sometimes she could see the view all the way from the Slat.

She was homesick. The Lunar Descent was one of the most lively events in Ravka. Parades of drinks, songs and hugs—both _Grishas_ and _otkazat'sya_ praying for light to purge the darkness of Ravka. Some even said shadows around the Fold would disappear for just a blink of an eye. She didn't believe that when she was young, now Leia understood. The Darkling's manipulation never stopped for a second, not even in celebrations. He'd will the darkness he could control over the Fold to part, just for a second, as a symbolisation of hope. Hope was a powerful thing to keep the mill rolling. He needed his soldiers running, someone to sacrifice when the time came. 

Thankfully, muffled pops stole her attention before she could dwell on it. Bursts of colours lit across the skies, washing the world with different hues with every pop. The clock tower rang faintly, marking the New Ages, a new year. Before her eyes, the sprays changed from purple, to pink, to red, then yellow. 

It was heartbreakingly beautiful. But Leia never forgot what kind of nation Kerch was—where such beauty was man-made. This wasn't her home. _Don't get too comfortable living this lie._ The thought of Wandering Isle surfaced in the back of her head. But Leia pushed it away, raised a bottle of _kvas_ towards the vast sky, feeling the tremors in her breath. "Another Lunar Descent, mother, father, and Selma. I wish you were here."

Unexpectedly, a rich baritone voice replied. "Happy New Ages, Leia."

There Kaz was, a sly smirk on his cunning face when he climbed out to join her on the gabled roof. His coat was gone, his shirt unbuttoned for a peek of his pale skin. There was a cut on his upper lip, and yet, Kaz was here.

_He made it back in time._

"Jesper told me there were gifts waiting," Kaz lifted his eyebrows. His usually perfectly styled hair was tousled messily and freely moved with the wind. "Seemed like paying the sailors extra to sail faster was justified."

 _He made an effort to rush back_. Leia fought the urge to answer to the twitch on her lips, "Never nothing for something, Kaz. How was the job?" 

His head slightly tilted in a mock reprimanding manner. This wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I've paid my dues. I'm curious, tell me," he practically demanded. 

The mention of the black cat lingered on her tongue. She wiped the mental image of Kaz holding the cat, if he was even capable of such a thing. "Your gift lies within a vault." 

"A bank, then? I've lost the spark for such measly tasks," Kaz swiped away the suggestion with some hesitation, refusing to be too forthcoming. "How about the bed chamber of a visiting Kaelish diplomat? I heard his wife has a delicious fondness for jewels, emeralds maybe." Leia's reaction was just as he expected, sparkling eyes only amplified from the fire lights in the skies. _Purple, blue, green_ , he took note of it. Another grin played on his face. 

Whatever game Kaz was playing, Leia willingly nodded. His raspy voice had grown deeper with his suggestion, a wild indication that maybe whatever he saw in Wandering Isle warranted this. Perhaps the blood speck on his shirt collar was her answer, but she held her tongue. This was enough for her. 

So Leia and Kaz sat on the roof, passing bottles of _kvas_ while doing what they did best. Plotting, and scheming. No rest for the wicked. They didn't even realise when the last of the fire lights ended. When the final blues dissipated into solid darkness of the sky, more glasses cheerfully smashed downstairs. 

Some pieces of her lonely soul were whole in this very moment. 

And when silence finally blanketed Ketterdam again, a mysterious man carefully placed a plate of honey cake on a certain harpsichord.

"I better see tears of happiness," he uttered to nobody in the dark. Climbing the stairs was a reminder of today's terrible events on his leg.

Passing Leia's room, he swore he heard a peculiar shuffling. He pried her door open ever so slightly, curious. Surely, he didn't peek, though this was Ketterdam, he sure had some morals. So he waited by the crack of the door.

In no less than five seconds, it was exactly what he imagined. Despite his bad leg, he squatted down as a moving black ball popped by the crack of the door.

He could laugh out loud right then. Never in a thousand years would he ever think of someone gifting him such a present. _Brilliant idea, Leia._ His slender fingers dragged across the black cat's body relaxingly, watching it purr in satisfaction.

That night, the man sat there until soft light broke, all with a smile on his face. Enjoying how, for the first time, his touch brought a living creature some serenity, as did the vile inside him subsided with every purr.


End file.
